Adult Children

Discussions and advice on parenting an adult child from sending your kid off to college to becoming a grandparent.

😭😢😩 PLEASE HELP BABY LEAVING ME

My oldest child (who is 18) is leaving for college in less than four weeks. She’s moving to live on-campus about three hours north of here. I just had a baby too! (Past July). I have a 17 year old, an 8 year old, and a 1-month old at home. Am I supposed to feel too sad about this or am I overreacting since it’s just a few hours north (Santa Barbara)? Has anybody been through this?

Anonymous posted in Adult Children May 05

I'm afraid my child is doing drugs.

  • Crimson
    May 21

    Talk first. Don't accuse. Go to a program for you and husband like Al-anon and they can and will help you. Why do you think this? Your gut is probably right. If true, and even if not, reach out for help. Alateen is also good. My heart is w you.

  • lotuzgammi
    May 25

    You’re intuition is never wrong . My son was drinking NyQuil and I kept asking if he was taking drugs he kept saying no but I knew something was wrong so I put everything in my room a certain way to see if he’s touched my meds and found four bottles of NyQuil empty before I’d ever opened them 😔

New mom after 23 years

Hello everyone, my name is Angie and I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy after 23 years. I have a 23 year old daughter and after my husband and I were told by his doctor that he could no longer have children this baby was a true blessing for us. Even though I've raised one child I feel like this is all new to me. Anyone going the the same experience as I am? I must admit my anxiet... More

  • Lisa
    May 05

    My husband was the youngest of 6. All of his older brothers were already married when he was born. They treat him like a nephew and completely forget that our sons were their parents' youngest grandchildren. At each parents' funeral, both our sons and my husband were pretty much left out. Remind your older child (ren) to treat the new one as an equal. BTW, congrats!

  • Elle
    May 05

    Congrats! Also, I have [i think] a slightly different take on what one of the above posters mentioned. Definitely agree that both your kids need to understand that they are both your kids and that both should treat each other kindly and fairly. But I would suggest adjusting (loosening) expectations of them having a 'traditional' sibling relationship. They may, but they also may not ... More

Feona posted in Education Apr 23

My high functioning autistic son is refusing to chose a college. He got into NYU and nyit and Hofstra and Adelphi. Any advice?

  • Belinda
    Apr 23

    Some kids with choose not to go but encourage him to go by taking to the college's and ask if you and him can tour the campus plus maybe set up with someone to show him around with a few class and allow him to spend the night or weekend there.also let your son know he can live at home and he don't have to live on campus

  • Anonymous
    May 08

    My little brother who is on the spectrum is going through a similar struggle. My mom realized that he is having anxiety because of the change in routine and the uncertainty about the future. If you think that might be the case making possible schedules for the different schools could help him feel better and help with the decision.

Kari posted in Siblings Apr 22

My older daughter is not nice to her much younger sibling (14 years apart). I get angry because I expect more from her, then she shuts down. I don’t know what to do.

  • Joe
    Apr 23

    Is she the oldest? Was she the only child before the sibling came along? If that’s the case, I feel she resents the attention the younger sibling gets and sometimes they get jealous of them. But you may want to set aside special Mom and daughter day and go out together; just the two of you and spend some quality time to get to know her at he stage in age. Read more about teenage behavior becaus... More

  • Sara
    Apr 23

    When a second child comes along, the older child experiences displacement, both from their place in the family and in their identity (and identity is HUGE in the adolescent stage). Also, she may not know how to get what she wants from the youngster in positive ways. Making time for just her periodically is a must, so she knows she hasn’t been replaced. Also, think if there is another child her ... More

Anyone out there with college age kids with ASD? My 19 year old is struggling.

I hate that my children are now all grown, although they have given me 15 beautiful grandchildren to love and enjoy.

  • Lisa
    May 05

    I have PPMS and my greatest wish is a grandchild. I'm 55, my mom passed away at 47, 3 months before her first grandchild was born

Anonymous posted in Adult Children Jan 29

I have been in my step children’s lives for the better part of 10 years. They are now 18 and 22 and have been living with us full time for almost 3 years. Their mother is “in” their life but her involvement reminds me of a dolphin. She’ll come into their lives for a dinner here or a movie there but for the most part she has not contributed financially and leaves most of the heavy lifting to us... More

  • Mama
    Feb 10

    18 and 22 with little ones at home? You have your hands full but... It sounds like a new house rule could be built-in-babysitting. Every other night, they each spend two hours of uninterrupted time with the little ones. This time they spend with the kids could be time you and the hubby spend together. Actually eat together and have and peaceful and HOT plate of food! No cold plates you wan... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 14

    Your husband needs to compromise with you. When he says “be patient” you need to ask him what type of timeline he sees in his head. Patient for 6 more months, 1 year, 5 years (jk) but what does he mean? And if the 22 year old isn’t contributing financially you need to have a talk with that one. And the chronically unemployed kid needs to contribute in other ways (chores around the house and spe... More

Yesterday my first born went off to college. I am terrified that I didn't teach him or I didn't tell him or I wasted so many opportunities to show him the right choices vs. the wrong because I am a single mother who is currently unemployed, without all the basic necccessities to provide a " normal" childhood.

  • Maria
    Aug 22, 2017

    Teenagers eventually makes their own decisions. They learn by example and I can already see that you are a wonderful caring parents. He knows you love him and having a job or not doesn't change that. Write him letters and send him lots of care packages.

  • Hm
    May 11

    Good

my kid came out as gay today, what do i do?

  • Bella
    Nov 12, 2017

    You love them no matter what. Their sexuality should not change the way you look at them!

  • Lisa
    May 09

    Just be thankful he's alive and love him.

I am a younger mom of a new adult son. We grew very close because his dad passed when he was a toddler. I re married and together we had two sons. Mine being the youngest is setting out to live his own life. We were very involved in sports and family. All throughout their lives in between practices and games I made sure we went to all family gathering, birthdays and holidays, his, mine, ... More

  • Margaret
    Apr 10, 2017

    You sound like you enjoy sports and activities; look to see if your community has adult softball or dodgeball or the like. You get to have fun with other adults! Another option is to look at your local community college and see if they have any classes you might want to take for fun. Learn a language like German and then go to Europe and practice! Go on an adventure and I bet your son will RE... More

  • 37piecesOFflair
    Apr 13, 2017

    You are a superhero. But don't be too stressed with this at this point-he's trying to find his own path. Easier said then done I'm sure but don't take it personally-it's that age. Once he settles into his own life, mom will become main support role again. For now, just try to be supportive and keep like bed of communication open in case he needs you. Even when they enter adu... More

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