Blended Families

Support and advice on blended families including being a stepmom or stepdad, raising children from a previous relationship, and dealing with your ex.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Mar 29

Do I step back or keep going

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now, He has a beautiful little 6yo girl and I love her to pieces and I’ve grown to be very involved in her life. But recent events have reminded me that I am very much not her parent, one day I hope to be but currently I’m not. Sometimes I feel like a glorified babysitter and nothing more. Do I continue to try to be a maternal figure in her... More

  • Erin
    Apr 01

    If her mother is in her life, you will NEVER and nor should you want to be able to compete with that. Depending on the situation you could be more of a maternal figure eventually but you may have to accept that being a step parent is difficult and make the best of it. If you don’t try too hard it can be nice but don’t ignore your own needs or you will only end up resentful and that’s how you be... More

Xena posted in Behavior Mar 20

6 Year Old, that doesn’t wanna listen.

I’m needing help on this problem too. I’ve been with this little girl for 8 months now, moved in with her & her dad ( bf of mine ). She hasn’t been respectful or good at listening to me at all. She acts totally different when her dad gets home from work. Or when she’s around other people. She likes to ignore me Or throw tantrums. So I send her to timeout. But it seems like she isn’t learnin... More

  • Xena
    Mar 21

    Thank You all so much for the help! I will try things out, make some charts for chores & etc and see where it goes from there . Thank you so much y’all

  • John Maxwell
    Mar 22

    All you have to do is engage in all activities she loves doing, Make her see you and talk to you as a friend not someone trying to replace her mom.

Xena posted in Behavior Mar 20

How to make 6 year old clean up?

I need advice on how to make her understand that she needs to pick up her toys, clothes, shoes, & etc. when she’s done with them. I kept telling her if I see any toys on the ground they're going with me & I’ll take them or I’ll throw it away. Am I doing the right thing?

  • Jessie
    Mar 20

    I think positive reinforcement is almost always key, but IF the time calls for it, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with grabbing a trash bag for a little scare and saying, “well, I told you... If you can’t take care of your things by putting them back where they belong, then I’ll give them to someone who will.” ;) Good luck!

  • Elissa
    Apr 01

    I would tell her she has til such and such time to pick up her things. If she doesn’t, the item goes in time out, for like a day, or she gets an extra chore before it can come out again. We have a lego chore chart and my SS loves to complete everything so all the LEGOs are on it. You could try something like that as well

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Mar 17

New boyfriend

How long should I wait to bring my son around my new boyfriend? I've been good friends with my bf for almost 10 years now, but we didn't start being a couple until recently. When and how should I tell my child's father? My child's father and I have been broken up for almost 2 years, but still living together until about a month ago. My child's father and I had no issues no... More

  • Kerry
    Mar 18

    Did your child know your bf before you started dating? How old is your child? Imo if youve known him for that long and trust him have him around your son but as a friend to him not a “father/dad” figure. The father cant dictate who you have around your son unless it puts your son in danger or a bad situation. If you have good friends and family, then have them around your son. Specially if you ... More

Rissa posted in Adoption Mar 07

1st birthday

So I’m adopted and I’ve invited both my birth parents and adoptive parents to my l.o. 1st birthday. My adoptive mom is extremely jealous that I have my birth mom involved. Please tell me all things that could go wrong bc I’m super nervous.

  • Rody the donkey
    Mar 14

    You should be sensitive to your adoptive mom’s feelings. Maybe treat bio mom at the same importance as an aunt. Talk to adoptive mom about it. Adoptive mom would’ve love to birth you herself. She shouldn’t have to feel like someone else is taking the valuable title of grandma away from her. This stuff matters. Also, talk to other adopted kids and see how they handled this problem themselves and... More

  • Elle
    Mar 21

    Be sensitive to your adoptive mom's feelings. No one wants to feel replaced or replaceable. Reassure her that no one -- not even the woman who gave birth to you -- could replace her as your MOM and your child's GRANDMA. I like the above idea of giving the bio mom something like aunt-like status, similar to how friends are sometimes aunt-so-and-so. Suggest sitting down separately wit... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Feb 27

Remarried with two children

So I had my first child with my first husband and my second child with my current husband. My first child and my current husband have always butt heads since me and him got together. He has always been very respectful, compassionate and respectful of her feelings. But yet she treats him as second best even when he goes above and beyond to try to earn her love and respect. Any suggestions from a... More

  • Sammyjo
    Mar 14

    She's probably just feels he's trying to replace her real father since she barely sees him

  • Anonymous
    Apr 09

    Thank you Sammyjo for your advice!

Help!!!

My 7 year old stepdaughter has been giving us attitude at home and is now acting up at school, not listening to her teachers and flat out telling them no. We talked to her about it but it's not helping! Any advice?

  • Elizabeth
    Feb 10

    I feel like even the good relationship my step kids have with their mom and the good relationship we have with her doesn’t take away from them having behavioral issues like that. I tend to teach them that it’s safest to act that way at home with us and the people that love them rather than in public with strangers. I always get back to the core of it by reminding them that we love them and want... More

  • Scarlett
    Feb 10

    I walked her to class and talked to the teacher. She has been not doing her work and standing in her chair during class which made the other kids laugh which in turn made her want to do it more. I had her apologize to the teacher and we had a much better end of the week!

Anonymous posted in Behavior Jan 15

3 year old regressing

My 3 year old step-daughter lives with me and her father and has been for 2.5 years now. Her mother has been in and out of her life off and on but she now sees her every other weekend and since this started consistently about 5 months ago my step-daughter has regressed in potty training, talking, and maturity. She has a lot of anxiety and anger since our time sharing of every other weekend with... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Jan 15

Mother in Law drama. Trying to parent over us?? PLEASE HELP!

WARNING: LONG POST BUT I'M DESPERATE Hey Mommies! (& Daddies) My hubby and I have 3 kiddos, 1 baby boy in common (6mo.) & He has 2 children from a previous marriage 8 yr old boy and 10yr old girl. My stepkids mother would never let the kids go to their Gmas house and they never got alone time with her. Which I honestly think is ridiculous. When I became pregnant I told my MIL that ... More

  • Lily
    Jan 24

    First don't feel like you need to take the kids to see her all the time. Also, don't let her over to your house all the time. Don't let her talk you into letting the baby stay with her, he is yours and she has no right to keep him for the night. Also, we had the same problem with my mother in law and grmadma in law....we would be out shopping and they would just take the baby withou... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 24

    Thank you all so much! I appreciate all the input and advice. I really thought I was just being ridiculous but I’m so happy to hear that other women feel the same way.

Step daughter and her mother... help!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He has a 9 year old daughter, and I have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. Her father had custody of her for most of our relationship, she returned back to her mother’s care 4 months ago. We did have a good relationship at first, but over time it has become very difficult. I treat all 3 children the same when it comes to time, attention, disci... More

  • Traci
    Feb 03

    Wow. You’re in a difficult spot. I honestly don’t have any suggestions other then to just keep doing what you already have been doing by continuing to try to communicate with the mother. Also maybe try to have some one on one time with your step daughter and take her somewhere that you know she loves and try to bond with her.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Jan 06

Temper Tantrums

So I have an almost-four yo step-kid who was been generally well-behaved their entire life. They threw fits and pouted every now and then like any other kid, but recently... I don’t know. It’s so different. They throw a huge fit about every 15 minutes on average. They’ve started throwing things, screaming at us, and (our least favorite) just ignoring us. We will literally pick them up and move ... More

  • Lynn
    Jan 06

    Welcome to life with 4 year olds.

  • Lynn
    Jan 06

    Okay. Abuse does happen and it causes major shifts in behavior. And turning 4 also can cause major shifts in behavior and lying starts around now too. They are going through another leap and are experiencing the world in another way. It’s huge. I’m in an neighborhood playgroup organization and nearly all our kids are turning 4 or just turned 4 and most of them are exhibiting this behavior.

“The talk”

So, my oldest is turning 15 this year, she is having a quinceañera party which, in Latino culture, signifies her transitioning into a woman. Now, she is not a woman and will never be a woman in my eyes, still my baby girl. But I do understand she is getting older and the fact that she doesn’t live with me, due to a divorce from my first wife, makes things a bit more challenging. I want to have ... More

  • Michelle
    Jan 27

    You may want to have the talk with her, but make sure she wants to have the talk with you first. The best thing you can do for your relationship and her self-esteem is respect her boundaries. I’m sure she’s watching tv shows with mature themes. Find out what she’s watching, then watch them on your own, and start a conversation with her about the characters. You can pass along your wisdom to ... More

  • Elle
    Jan 28

    Want to upvote Michelle's comment about 100 times. Best comment thus far.

Help!

My five year old stepson Andrew is with us 5 days/wk. with his mother on weekends. She got a new bf (Matt, who lives two hours away) and because the courts gave her all thanksgiving day, she took him to his house and they stayed the whole thanksgiving weekend. She has made him call the new bf - second one since September - MattyDaddy right from the start. She’s trying to replace his dad and get... More

  • Erin
    Apr 01

    It sounds like she is toxic and emotionally abusive. If you can’t get her out of his life I would suggest your only other chance at peace would be consulting a professional on this one. Find a child psychologist who isn’t also a lunatic. They are flawed humans too like everyone else so do your homework. This is a super difficult situation to be in and you need all the help you can get.

I don't want to cut my son's hair yet, but his father does.

My son's father and his girlfriend want to cut my son's hair. She says that it is starting to fray at the end and wont grow back anymore. She is a professional and has been cutting kids hair for about 7 years now. I just don't want his curly blonde hair to go away. What age did you cut your kid's hair for the first time? What is the best time to do it?? I'm worried about sha... More

  • Alexandra
    Dec 29, 2018

    Cut my sons hair at 3 months. He is a year now and I've cut his hair 5 times so far. He was born with a full set of hair.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 02

    My son is 3. He’s never had a haircut because I’m obsessed with his curly hair! People mistake him for a girl but that doesn’t bother us. It’s gorgeous. It’s short in this photo but when it’s wet his hair is halfway down his back- so crazy to see. I too am afraid if I cut the hair it won’t grow back as curly. If you wanna wait you should wait. He’ll have a lifetime of haircuts. Enjoy the beau... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Dec 11, 2018

Half siblings

My son is 10 months old and his half sister is exactly 3 years older than him. She is at our house every other weekend on average and he has such a hard time. He wants to do everything she is doing and touch everything she is touching - which isnt always safe or practical. He just whines and whimpers if I keep him from going over to what shes doing and he wont eat or nurse if shes in sight. We ... More

  • RASMerion
    Dec 14, 2018

    Ten months is an especially stressful time for parenting. This is still the hight of learning about the world by putting it in my mouth.... but also significantly increased mobility and speed .... increased social awareness and desire to participate but before many key social skills have been learned... The frustration of having minimal language to express desires and fears...Intense curiosity... More

Work through it or get Divorced

How to determine if you should work through it or get divorced. I take my vows seriously so I don’t just want to up and leave when it get rough. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 yrs and married for almost 10yrs. We have 7 children, it is a his,mine, and ours. Which the kids don’t know that and we don’t use the word step. My husband has adopted mine I plan on to adopt his when ... More

  • Amanda
    Dec 04, 2018

    Thx for the kind words. It helps a lot just reading what your saying. I think it can be worked on and somewhat resolved. It will be hard and take time to figure it out but I’m hoping we can.

  • Karelis
    Dec 14, 2018

    I would say it sounds a bit like you may have experienced or are experiencing some post partum depression? So many women suffer with it and most don’t speak on it and seek help. I too was miserable pregnant (although I wanted to be) and felt a little blue after our second child. We got pregnant when my son was around 8mths old! It sounds like your stressors are from dealing with other’s issues... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Dec 01, 2018

Pictures with Santa

My mother in law told me she wanted to go take a picture with her Santa my daughter and step son. Is that weird? Should I?

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03, 2018

    They are included in a lot of stuff. They have sleepovers every week if not twice some weeks. She’s over almost every other morning and we do Sunday dinners quiet often

  • Tyerra
    Dec 04, 2018

    Well if y’all do all that then it sounds like y’all are close so why not especially if she is paying lol

My boyfriend's complicated + expensive divorce stresses me out. How do I live with this?

I posted a few months ago and it made me feel so much less alone in my situation... so now I'm back for more. For over a year I've been dating a single dad. He's the best. He's raising 2 kids mostly on his own. The kids seem to like me and I've been getting to know them better. My boyfriend and their mom are in the process of getting divorced. It is complicated for many re... More

  • Teena
    Dec 13, 2018

    You are on the right track!! I am in the same situation and I was so stressed out until someone said something that changed my whole outlook....His divorce is none of your business. I know it seems harsh, but truly it is not. His marriage was not your relationship and neither is his divorce. If he wants to come to you for support, then support him, but you cannot and should not be making any of... More

  • L
    Dec 13, 2018

    Yessss! Thank you Teena. I agree. It is none of my business.... Also I know this baggage isn't really going anywhere so a lot of it is about how I relate to the situation. He's started sharing less of the details with me and that has made it a little easier.

Step-Moms Situations

Any step-moms/ soon to be step-moms that can share their story and how their relationship is with the kids and bio mom? Especially when you come into their life when they are under 2 years old? Also, any biological Moms that have a step-mom in their kids life and how they feel about it? Do they call you Mom?

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13, 2018

    Each situation is so unique. I met my stepkids when they were 7 and 9. They are now 18 and 16. At first, we were very close with both kids (older is a boy, younger is a girl). I was especiallynclose with my stepdaughter and we always did everything together. When i started dating my husband, his relationahip with his ex-wife was very bad. They argued constantly and couldnt co-parent wel..... More

Non custodial parent

Hello! My boyfriend has two kids, a 6 year old and an 18 month old. The mother does not want the 18 month old sleeping over with us once every two weeks, she thinks it will disrupt his mental heath, any ideas??? Has anyone had this issue?

  • B
    Nov 07, 2018

    It’s wonderful they’re doing that and that he and baby seem to love spending time together. I will say I’d be hesitant as a mom to do overnights at that age with only once every other week contact. My daughter hates being put to bed by others. I’m sure it would be fine and they’d get used to it, just saying i understand the hesitancy.

  • Lydia
    Nov 07, 2018

    I understand as well, but he hasn’t shown any signs of being uncomfortable, he’s always laughing and he recognizes his father when he picks them up

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