Blended Families

Support and advice on blended families including being a stepmom or stepdad, raising children from a previous relationship, and dealing with your ex.

Help!!!

My 7 year old stepdaughter has been giving us attitude at home and is now acting up at school, not listening to her teachers and flat out telling them no. We talked to her about it but it's not helping! Any advice?

  • Elizabeth
    Feb 10

    I feel like even the good relationship my step kids have with their mom and the good relationship we have with her doesn’t take away from them having behavioral issues like that. I tend to teach them that it’s safest to act that way at home with us and the people that love them rather than in public with strangers. I always get back to the core of it by reminding them that we love them and want... More

  • Scarlett
    Feb 10

    I walked her to class and talked to the teacher. She has been not doing her work and standing in her chair during class which made the other kids laugh which in turn made her want to do it more. I had her apologize to the teacher and we had a much better end of the week!

Anonymous posted in Behavior Jan 15

3 year old regressing

My 3 year old step-daughter lives with me and her father and has been for 2.5 years now. Her mother has been in and out of her life off and on but she now sees her every other weekend and since this started consistently about 5 months ago my step-daughter has regressed in potty training, talking, and maturity. She has a lot of anxiety and anger since our time sharing of every other weekend with... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Jan 15

Mother in Law drama. Trying to parent over us?? PLEASE HELP!

WARNING: LONG POST BUT I'M DESPERATE Hey Mommies! (& Daddies) My hubby and I have 3 kiddos, 1 baby boy in common (6mo.) & He has 2 children from a previous marriage 8 yr old boy and 10yr old girl. My stepkids mother would never let the kids go to their Gmas house and they never got alone time with her. Which I honestly think is ridiculous. When I became pregnant I told my MIL that ... More

  • Lily
    Jan 24

    First don't feel like you need to take the kids to see her all the time. Also, don't let her over to your house all the time. Don't let her talk you into letting the baby stay with her, he is yours and she has no right to keep him for the night. Also, we had the same problem with my mother in law and grmadma in law....we would be out shopping and they would just take the baby withou... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 24

    Thank you all so much! I appreciate all the input and advice. I really thought I was just being ridiculous but I’m so happy to hear that other women feel the same way.

Step daughter and her mother... help!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He has a 9 year old daughter, and I have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. Her father had custody of her for most of our relationship, she returned back to her mother’s care 4 months ago. We did have a good relationship at first, but over time it has become very difficult. I treat all 3 children the same when it comes to time, attention, disci... More

  • Traci
    Feb 03

    Wow. You’re in a difficult spot. I honestly don’t have any suggestions other then to just keep doing what you already have been doing by continuing to try to communicate with the mother. Also maybe try to have some one on one time with your step daughter and take her somewhere that you know she loves and try to bond with her.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Jan 06

Temper Tantrums

So I have an almost-four yo step-kid who was been generally well-behaved their entire life. They threw fits and pouted every now and then like any other kid, but recently... I don’t know. It’s so different. They throw a huge fit about every 15 minutes on average. They’ve started throwing things, screaming at us, and (our least favorite) just ignoring us. We will literally pick them up and move ... More

  • T
    Jan 06

    Welcome to life with 4 year olds.

  • T
    Jan 06

    Okay. Abuse does happen and it causes major shifts in behavior. And turning 4 also can cause major shifts in behavior and lying starts around now too. They are going through another leap and are experiencing the world in another way. It’s huge. I’m in an neighborhood playgroup organization and nearly all our kids are turning 4 or just turned 4 and most of them are exhibiting this behavior.

“The talk”

So, my oldest is turning 15 this year, she is having a quinceañera party which, in Latino culture, signifies her transitioning into a woman. Now, she is not a woman and will never be a woman in my eyes, still my baby girl. But I do understand she is getting older and the fact that she doesn’t live with me, due to a divorce from my first wife, makes things a bit more challenging. I want to have ... More

  • Michelle
    Jan 27

    You may want to have the talk with her, but make sure she wants to have the talk with you first. The best thing you can do for your relationship and her self-esteem is respect her boundaries. I’m sure she’s watching tv shows with mature themes. Find out what she’s watching, then watch them on your own, and start a conversation with her about the characters. You can pass along your wisdom to ... More

  • Elle
    Jan 28

    Want to upvote Michelle's comment about 100 times. Best comment thus far.

Elissa posted in Behavior Dec 26

Help!

My five year old stepson Andrew is with us 5 days/wk. with his mother on weekends. She got a new bf (Matt, who lives two hours away) and because the courts gave her all thanksgiving day, she took him to his house and they stayed the whole thanksgiving weekend. She has made him call the new bf - second one since September - MattyDaddy right from the start. She’s trying to replace his dad and get... More

I don't want to cut my son's hair yet, but his father does.

My son's father and his girlfriend want to cut my son's hair. She says that it is starting to fray at the end and wont grow back anymore. She is a professional and has been cutting kids hair for about 7 years now. I just don't want his curly blonde hair to go away. What age did you cut your kid's hair for the first time? What is the best time to do it?? I'm worried about sha... More

  • Alexandra
    Dec 29

    Cut my sons hair at 3 months. He is a year now and I've cut his hair 5 times so far. He was born with a full set of hair.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 02

    My son is 3. He’s never had a haircut because I’m obsessed with his curly hair! People mistake him for a girl but that doesn’t bother us. It’s gorgeous. It’s short in this photo but when it’s wet his hair is halfway down his back- so crazy to see. I too am afraid if I cut the hair it won’t grow back as curly. If you wanna wait you should wait. He’ll have a lifetime of haircuts. Enjoy the beau... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Dec 11

Half siblings

My son is 10 months old and his half sister is exactly 3 years older than him. She is at our house every other weekend on average and he has such a hard time. He wants to do everything she is doing and touch everything she is touching - which isnt always safe or practical. He just whines and whimpers if I keep him from going over to what shes doing and he wont eat or nurse if shes in sight. We ... More

  • RASMerion
    Dec 14

    Ten months is an especially stressful time for parenting. This is still the hight of learning about the world by putting it in my mouth.... but also significantly increased mobility and speed .... increased social awareness and desire to participate but before many key social skills have been learned... The frustration of having minimal language to express desires and fears...Intense curiosity... More

Work through it or get Divorced

How to determine if you should work through it or get divorced. I take my vows seriously so I don’t just want to up and leave when it get rough. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 yrs and married for almost 10yrs. We have 7 children, it is a his,mine, and ours. Which the kids don’t know that and we don’t use the word step. My husband has adopted mine I plan on to adopt his when ... More

  • Amanda
    Dec 04

    Thx for the kind words. It helps a lot just reading what your saying. I think it can be worked on and somewhat resolved. It will be hard and take time to figure it out but I’m hoping we can.

  • Karelis
    Dec 14

    I would say it sounds a bit like you may have experienced or are experiencing some post partum depression? So many women suffer with it and most don’t speak on it and seek help. I too was miserable pregnant (although I wanted to be) and felt a little blue after our second child. We got pregnant when my son was around 8mths old! It sounds like your stressors are from dealing with other’s issues... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Dec 01

Pictures with Santa

My mother in law told me she wanted to go take a picture with her Santa my daughter and step son. Is that weird? Should I?

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    They are included in a lot of stuff. They have sleepovers every week if not twice some weeks. She’s over almost every other morning and we do Sunday dinners quiet often

  • Tyerra
    Dec 04

    Well if y’all do all that then it sounds like y’all are close so why not especially if she is paying lol

My boyfriend's complicated + expensive divorce stresses me out. How do I live with this?

I posted a few months ago and it made me feel so much less alone in my situation... so now I'm back for more. For over a year I've been dating a single dad. He's the best. He's raising 2 kids mostly on his own. The kids seem to like me and I've been getting to know them better. My boyfriend and their mom are in the process of getting divorced. It is complicated for many re... More

  • Teena
    Dec 13

    You are on the right track!! I am in the same situation and I was so stressed out until someone said something that changed my whole outlook....His divorce is none of your business. I know it seems harsh, but truly it is not. His marriage was not your relationship and neither is his divorce. If he wants to come to you for support, then support him, but you cannot and should not be making any of... More

  • L
    Dec 13

    Yessss! Thank you Teena. I agree. It is none of my business.... Also I know this baggage isn't really going anywhere so a lot of it is about how I relate to the situation. He's started sharing less of the details with me and that has made it a little easier.

Step-Moms Situations

Any step-moms/ soon to be step-moms that can share their story and how their relationship is with the kids and bio mom? Especially when you come into their life when they are under 2 years old? Also, any biological Moms that have a step-mom in their kids life and how they feel about it? Do they call you Mom?

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13, 2018

    Each situation is so unique. I met my stepkids when they were 7 and 9. They are now 18 and 16. At first, we were very close with both kids (older is a boy, younger is a girl). I was especiallynclose with my stepdaughter and we always did everything together. When i started dating my husband, his relationahip with his ex-wife was very bad. They argued constantly and couldnt co-parent wel..... More

Non custodial parent

Hello! My boyfriend has two kids, a 6 year old and an 18 month old. The mother does not want the 18 month old sleeping over with us once every two weeks, she thinks it will disrupt his mental heath, any ideas??? Has anyone had this issue?

  • B
    Nov 07, 2018

    It’s wonderful they’re doing that and that he and baby seem to love spending time together. I will say I’d be hesitant as a mom to do overnights at that age with only once every other week contact. My daughter hates being put to bed by others. I’m sure it would be fine and they’d get used to it, just saying i understand the hesitancy.

  • Lydia
    Nov 07, 2018

    I understand as well, but he hasn’t shown any signs of being uncomfortable, he’s always laughing and he recognizes his father when he picks them up

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Nov 02, 2018

My partner has three daughters all between 5 & 8 years old

They don’t have to do chores. How do I suggest that they start?

  • Lachyna
    Nov 03, 2018

    Pay them for their services and let them decide what they want to spend their money on. They can clean up, do services for friends like make them a drink instead of you making it. Get creative! My son is 6 and has been doing chores and getting paid for an entire year now. He spends his money on robux and Nintendo games.

  • Anna
    Nov 18, 2018

    Its a rough subject when not yours and if it makes him up set then maybe you need to find a way that isn't as invasive . Start small get them to help with what they want and like doing, if they ask to help cook or do dishes let them start helping. If they dont want to help and you dont want to start on bribes that involve money, offer to take them to a park or getting to watch what ever mov... More

Having a Second Kid?

Hello! While not here to completely decide my future, I do want to get some thoughts on a matter. I have a 3 yo step-kid with my spouse. That kid is the only kid in our family and the other side... as in my spouse and their ex-wife only had the one kid, the ex-wife hasn’t had another kid, and we haven’t had another kid. So it’s just the one. But both sides of the family are now talking about h... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 29, 2018

    I think all kids have to transition when their parents have a second. You’ll just have to make sure she feels loved and has special time with her dad and you even after baby comes.

  • Sam
    Oct 31, 2018

    Just make her apart of the pregnancy. Like tell her shes going to be such an amazing big sis, and that you'll really need her help, get a shirt that says shes a big sis, have her listen in and be present for ultra sounds, and when babys born she can be a big helper. Trust me she'll love it!

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 11, 2018

My stepdaughter-to-be acts like she’s not good enough.

Anytime my boyfriend or I ask his youngest daughter, 5, to do anything she throws a fit saying she can’t do it, it’s too hard, or my favorite, “I’m just a little girl, I can’t do this.” We can’t figure out how to handle this appropriately without having a fight every time we ask her to clean her room or pick up her mess in the play room. We know her mother, who’s been in her life periodically a... More

  • Indy
    Oct 12, 2018

    Yesssss! Like Andy said... kids love choices!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15, 2018

    Thank you all. I like each of your suggestions.

Bio Mom issues.

I have an 11 yr old step daughter. Been apart of her life for two years. Recently she’s discovering her mom is not really interested in her personally, just in having occasional updates on her life and pictures to post to Facebook so she can pretend to be involved and a good mother. 11yr old for the most part feels pretty uninterested in her mom, and whines a lot about how ironic it is that eve... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 11, 2018

    I’d ask her about her feelings about it in an open ended way. Not “does this make you feel bad?” because I wouldn’t want to project any emotions on to her. But as someone whose father wasn’t around, she DOES have feelings about it. I never brought it up with my mom because I didn’t want to make her feel bad and she decided to wait for me to bring it up. So I basically sat with all those issues ... More

  • Jenny
    Oct 14, 2018

    The only behavior you can control is your own. Love her and be the mom she needs and deserves and the rest will fall into place. As she grows and becomes more mature, she will work out her relationship with her biological mother on her own. She is just lucky to have you.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 09, 2018

I'm first time pregnant and I have a 3 year old stepson who we have full time..

His attitude has been off the charts and we dont know what else to do. He has a set schedule that very rarely ever varies since he does not like changes in plans. His behavior and talking back has been getting worse and we have tried everything we can think of. Sitting and talking out what hes feeling, ignoring the tantrums, time outs, grounding him from privaledges. What else can help. I know ... More

  • Hal
    Oct 10, 2018

    Spanking is pretty ineffective. I would look up super nanny and her techniques Best of luck!!!

  • Sami
    Oct 10, 2018

    Do you think he may need an outlet for his emotions? Something like painting, or throwing balls around a ball pit...? It sounds like talking and a calm approach hasn’t worked. I know, for me at least, I need a physical outlet when I’m overwhelmed. So I’ll go for a run or deep clean my house. Maybe he needs a different way to express himself.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 07, 2018

So frustrated!

So my stepdaughter is 7 and she wont quit pooping in her pants and does it multiple times a day. We make her go and sit when she does it and she just plays on the toilet and doesnt even try no matter how long she sits there. I can't seem to get past this disgusted feeling and incredible frustration when ever I even just look at her. There is no bond there because she just grosses me out and... More

  • Amber
    Nov 04, 2018

    Could be a bigger issue my son 8 now just stopped he could not control it took him to a therapist and a stomach specialist that's where I found that answer he had a loose muscle either he would have accidents or not go for a week usually one after another and with the muscle not going right back to shape he would have accidents if you need more info please message me I was lost and didn'... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 04, 2018

    That sounds like our issue. She just wont go for about 4 or 5 days and then its accident back to back and filling up the toilet.

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