Blended Families

Support and advice on blended families including being a stepmom or stepdad, raising children from a previous relationship, and dealing with your ex.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Tuesday

Half siblings

My son is 10 months old and his half sister is exactly 3 years older than him. She is at our house every other weekend on average and he has such a hard time. He wants to do everything she is doing and touch everything she is touching - which isnt always safe or practical. He just whines and whimpers if I keep him from going over to what shes doing and he wont eat or nurse if shes in sight. We ... More

  • RASMerion
    Friday

    Ten months is an especially stressful time for parenting. This is still the hight of learning about the world by putting it in my mouth.... but also significantly increased mobility and speed .... increased social awareness and desire to participate but before many key social skills have been learned... The frustration of having minimal language to express desires and fears...Intense curiosity... More

Work through it or get Divorced

How to determine if you should work through it or get divorced. I take my vows seriously so I don’t just want to up and leave when it get rough. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 yrs and married for almost 10yrs. We have 7 children, it is a his,mine, and ours. Which the kids don’t know that and we don’t use the word step. My husband has adopted mine I plan on to adopt his when ... More

  • Amanda
    Dec 04

    Thx for the kind words. It helps a lot just reading what your saying. I think it can be worked on and somewhat resolved. It will be hard and take time to figure it out but I’m hoping we can.

  • Karelis
    Friday

    I would say it sounds a bit like you may have experienced or are experiencing some post partum depression? So many women suffer with it and most don’t speak on it and seek help. I too was miserable pregnant (although I wanted to be) and felt a little blue after our second child. We got pregnant when my son was around 8mths old! It sounds like your stressors are from dealing with other’s issues... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Dec 01

Pictures with Santa

My mother in law told me she wanted to go take a picture with her Santa my daughter and step son. Is that weird? Should I?

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    They are included in a lot of stuff. They have sleepovers every week if not twice some weeks. She’s over almost every other morning and we do Sunday dinners quiet often

  • Tyerra
    Dec 04

    Well if y’all do all that then it sounds like y’all are close so why not especially if she is paying lol

My boyfriend's complicated + expensive divorce stresses me out. How do I live with this?

I posted a few months ago and it made me feel so much less alone in my situation... so now I'm back for more. For over a year I've been dating a single dad. He's the best. He's raising 2 kids mostly on his own. The kids seem to like me and I've been getting to know them better. My boyfriend and their mom are in the process of getting divorced. It is complicated for many re... More

  • Teena
    Thursday

    You are on the right track!! I am in the same situation and I was so stressed out until someone said something that changed my whole outlook....His divorce is none of your business. I know it seems harsh, but truly it is not. His marriage was not your relationship and neither is his divorce. If he wants to come to you for support, then support him, but you cannot and should not be making any of... More

  • L
    Thursday

    Yessss! Thank you Teena. I agree. It is none of my business.... Also I know this baggage isn't really going anywhere so a lot of it is about how I relate to the situation. He's started sharing less of the details with me and that has made it a little easier.

Hope posted in Adoption Nov 13

Step-Moms Situations

Any step-moms/ soon to be step-moms that can share their story and how their relationship is with the kids and bio mom? Especially when you come into their life when they are under 2 years old? Also, any biological Moms that have a step-mom in their kids life and how they feel about it? Do they call you Mom?

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13

    Each situation is so unique. I met my stepkids when they were 7 and 9. They are now 18 and 16. At first, we were very close with both kids (older is a boy, younger is a girl). I was especiallynclose with my stepdaughter and we always did everything together. When i started dating my husband, his relationahip with his ex-wife was very bad. They argued constantly and couldnt co-parent wel..... More

Non custodial parent

Hello! My boyfriend has two kids, a 6 year old and an 18 month old. The mother does not want the 18 month old sleeping over with us once every two weeks, she thinks it will disrupt his mental heath, any ideas??? Has anyone had this issue?

  • B
    Nov 07

    It’s wonderful they’re doing that and that he and baby seem to love spending time together. I will say I’d be hesitant as a mom to do overnights at that age with only once every other week contact. My daughter hates being put to bed by others. I’m sure it would be fine and they’d get used to it, just saying i understand the hesitancy.

  • Lydia
    Nov 07

    I understand as well, but he hasn’t shown any signs of being uncomfortable, he’s always laughing and he recognizes his father when he picks them up

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Nov 02

My partner has three daughters all between 5 & 8 years old

They don’t have to do chores. How do I suggest that they start?

  • Lachyna
    Nov 03

    Pay them for their services and let them decide what they want to spend their money on. They can clean up, do services for friends like make them a drink instead of you making it. Get creative! My son is 6 and has been doing chores and getting paid for an entire year now. He spends his money on robux and Nintendo games.

  • Anna
    Nov 18

    Its a rough subject when not yours and if it makes him up set then maybe you need to find a way that isn't as invasive . Start small get them to help with what they want and like doing, if they ask to help cook or do dishes let them start helping. If they dont want to help and you dont want to start on bribes that involve money, offer to take them to a park or getting to watch what ever mov... More

Having a Second Kid?

Hello! While not here to completely decide my future, I do want to get some thoughts on a matter. I have a 3 yo step-kid with my spouse. That kid is the only kid in our family and the other side... as in my spouse and their ex-wife only had the one kid, the ex-wife hasn’t had another kid, and we haven’t had another kid. So it’s just the one. But both sides of the family are now talking about h... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 29

    I think all kids have to transition when their parents have a second. You’ll just have to make sure she feels loved and has special time with her dad and you even after baby comes.

  • Sam
    Oct 31

    Just make her apart of the pregnancy. Like tell her shes going to be such an amazing big sis, and that you'll really need her help, get a shirt that says shes a big sis, have her listen in and be present for ultra sounds, and when babys born she can be a big helper. Trust me she'll love it!

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 11

My stepdaughter-to-be acts like she’s not good enough.

Anytime my boyfriend or I ask his youngest daughter, 5, to do anything she throws a fit saying she can’t do it, it’s too hard, or my favorite, “I’m just a little girl, I can’t do this.” We can’t figure out how to handle this appropriately without having a fight every time we ask her to clean her room or pick up her mess in the play room. We know her mother, who’s been in her life periodically a... More

  • Indy
    Oct 12

    Yesssss! Like Andy said... kids love choices!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    Thank you all. I like each of your suggestions.

Bio Mom issues.

I have an 11 yr old step daughter. Been apart of her life for two years. Recently she’s discovering her mom is not really interested in her personally, just in having occasional updates on her life and pictures to post to Facebook so she can pretend to be involved and a good mother. 11yr old for the most part feels pretty uninterested in her mom, and whines a lot about how ironic it is that eve... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 11

    I’d ask her about her feelings about it in an open ended way. Not “does this make you feel bad?” because I wouldn’t want to project any emotions on to her. But as someone whose father wasn’t around, she DOES have feelings about it. I never brought it up with my mom because I didn’t want to make her feel bad and she decided to wait for me to bring it up. So I basically sat with all those issues ... More

  • Jenny
    Oct 14

    The only behavior you can control is your own. Love her and be the mom she needs and deserves and the rest will fall into place. As she grows and becomes more mature, she will work out her relationship with her biological mother on her own. She is just lucky to have you.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 09

I'm first time pregnant and I have a 3 year old stepson who we have full time..

His attitude has been off the charts and we dont know what else to do. He has a set schedule that very rarely ever varies since he does not like changes in plans. His behavior and talking back has been getting worse and we have tried everything we can think of. Sitting and talking out what hes feeling, ignoring the tantrums, time outs, grounding him from privaledges. What else can help. I know ... More

  • Hal
    Oct 10

    Spanking is pretty ineffective. I would look up super nanny and her techniques Best of luck!!!

  • Sami
    Oct 10

    Do you think he may need an outlet for his emotions? Something like painting, or throwing balls around a ball pit...? It sounds like talking and a calm approach hasn’t worked. I know, for me at least, I need a physical outlet when I’m overwhelmed. So I’ll go for a run or deep clean my house. Maybe he needs a different way to express himself.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Oct 07

So frustrated!

So my stepdaughter is 7 and she wont quit pooping in her pants and does it multiple times a day. We make her go and sit when she does it and she just plays on the toilet and doesnt even try no matter how long she sits there. I can't seem to get past this disgusted feeling and incredible frustration when ever I even just look at her. There is no bond there because she just grosses me out and... More

  • Amber
    Nov 04

    Could be a bigger issue my son 8 now just stopped he could not control it took him to a therapist and a stomach specialist that's where I found that answer he had a loose muscle either he would have accidents or not go for a week usually one after another and with the muscle not going right back to shape he would have accidents if you need more info please message me I was lost and didn'... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 04

    That sounds like our issue. She just wont go for about 4 or 5 days and then its accident back to back and filling up the toilet.

Interesting read on single moms joining forces

“It was like a marriage, only better. We had a kind of invisible rota. We cooked proper dinners for each other every night. We had roles.” Incredible story of redefining family after the end of a marriage. Has anyone ever tried something like this?

  • Jade
    Oct 02

    Love this! Such a beautiful example of our need for community and connection. What supportive, resilient women!

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Sep 30

Step child alternative

Is there anything else out there besides step daughter or step son as an introduction?

  • Lisa
    Oct 10

    I’m so sorry for both of your situations. I’m glad we are not alone though, and have this outlet to discus and vent about it. It really is a crying shame because the kids are the true victims here. They get stuck in the middle and exposed to a lot of the shenanigans. I believe that when they grow up, they will see the truth and possibly resent when the bio moms or dads didn’t allow them to just... More

  • Indy
    Oct 11

    I just call her by her name

4 kids 3 different Moms

Me and my fiance just got his 3 kids back. Got the 7&9 year olds back in December when I was 4.5 months pregnant with my 1st and the 17 year old in May when the baby was 1.5 months old. Trying to transition all of the kids to work together at all different ages is so hard. Any suggestions to help me get them to see their family and work together rather then constantly fighting an telling on... More

  • Jessica
    Sep 28

    ☝🏻 agreed. I’m glad it got erased, try not to let “anonymous” comments get you down- or anyone’s for that matter!

  • Hippity
    Sep 28

    I had to go thru something similar and all I can say is : it takes time, and hard work but it’s all worth it, after years of fighting now my stepsons and I have a great relationship and they appreciate everything even the tough love, so hang in there

Anonymous posted in Behavior Sep 12

My kids and SO

I have a daughter with my SO and 3 children of my own from a past relationship. Right now we’re having the hardest time of having them respect him. He provides for all of us with whatever he can. We have a home, food, and when he can he’ll buy them whatever they ask for. But when it comes to him telling them they have to do a chore they get the worst attitude. My middle child will yell and thro... More

  • Carissa
    Sep 13

    Also, I agree that you and your SO should have a sit down conversation with the kids. Tell them what is expected and have your SO tell them how hurtful it is for them to treat him the way they do. Tell them you understand it’s not easy but everyone is trying their best. Just be honest with them and call them out for acting the way they do. Your ex does not need to be present or apart of this co... More

  • Tina
    Sep 18

    They don’t realize what they have the only way to make them understand and respect him is for example if they don’t do chores take away something they like that he’s bought them like a game system or toy and explain that he bought this to help them so they need to help him or else he won’t buy them the things they want and will stop being a cool step dad

Blended Family birthday partys?

So I have two kids and they live with my fiancé and me. His two kids live with their mom. We get them every other weekend, one week night and every other Holiday. Which seems standard. Anyway, this year his kids birthdays fell on days that they were at the mom's house. We were broke so we just got them small gifts at our place, he took them out to eat and I made a cake. We didn't have ... More

  • Tanisha
    Sep 01

    Kristina, in my post I'm saying she was only wrong in not planning for his kids birthday. Even though you guys do coparent partys, you still have to plan ahead inorder to make this a success. Being a stepparent, I have learned means you have other people to think about, not just the one in your house. I dont think she wrong at all for planning for her daughter, thats her being a great mom... More

  • Andrea
    Sep 03

    In my situation as stay at home step mom, I have tried to coparent with the BM but she has made it clear that what she wants is more important than what the children want and no matter how happy their daughter was that we were ALL at her Cross Country meet, the BM made sure it never happened again! There is so much more than that that makes it difficult for us to get along and like you we'r... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Aug 18

Blended families

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years now. We have a LO of our own but he has another child with a previous gf of course an we barely speak to each other. Today he wants us to arrange a meet up for the LO so that I can pick her up but again, I barely know her an vice versa. Has anyone else have to be in this kinda situation? I don’t even know how to approach it an part of me w... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 20

    I agree and that’s a main reason why I never reached out before we had our kid because I felt like that was something he needed to initiate so it wouldn’t look like I was overstepping my boundaries.

  • Reagan
    Aug 27

    Hi I grew up in a blended family and my current family is blended. I suggest getting really clear on all the things you want to participate in and the things you don't want to participate in. Your boyfriend has the ultimate responsibility and you really don't have to be buddies with your boyfriend's ex just being cordial is good enough. As a stepmom your role is much more sticky tha... More

Cara posted in Adoption Aug 17

my 4 year old niece

So i am currently fostering my 4 year old neice (actually shes my boyfriends sisters little girl) i am having such a hard time with it. I love her so much but i also have a bio son and i feel how the connection is different. Her mom has severe paranoid schizophrenia and substance abuse problems cause her to loose this beautiful girl. She has been living with us for 8 months and with out her mom... More

  • Amy
    Aug 17

    You’re welcome cara. Good luck!

  • Jamie
    Aug 19

    There’s a program in San Diego called Home Start, maybe give them a call and see if they have anything in your area. My BFs son has been having a lot of issues due to his mom doing a lot of drugs while pregnant with him and completely abandoning him after a year. He just started with their therapy program but if you call and tell them your situation they will tell you if you qualify and will te... More

Barbara posted in Behavior Aug 03

My Step-daughter makes me anxious

I've been married to my husband for 9 years. He has had full and sole custody of his daughter since 2005 when she was about 2.5. Her mom lived 3 states away. I met him in 2007 and we were married in 2009. As loving as she could be, she was also very defiant and had a lot of problems with anger, lying, etc. Actually all this talk of family separation makes me wonder if this transition from... More

  • Marsha
    Aug 03

    My 16 year old has so much attitude and anger from issues with her father. We’ve been divorced since she was about 5. I believe so much of her behavior focuses on her self esteem (lack of it) and she’s super sensitive. My suggestion, since you can really only control yourself, is to see where she is vulnerable and try to connect with her in that area. Maybe she loves to draw - so try to go to a... More

  • wonder mommy
    Aug 03

    This sounds like me. Me being your stepdaughter. I hated my father because I felt abandoned by him and his love when to my stepmother who I felt didn’t love me either. Your stepdaughter is a child. Keep trying to understand where the anger she has is coming from. The fact your asking for advice means you do care. Don’t stop caring, keep trying. Try to get her father involved. Don’t outcast her... More

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