Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Getting back with my child’s father

I have been thinking about trying again with my ex, with whom I share a 3-yr-old son. We broke up 3 years ago, so our son has never really seen us together, kissing, etc. He has been wanting to try again pretty much since we broke up, and I feel like we both have changed as people and certain things aren’t factors anymore (like, for instance, his ex, who did a lot of meddling in our relationshi... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 25

Would you stay in an unloving relationship just for your kids?

My fiancé and I met 4 years ago. We were trying to take things slow relationship wise since I already had a child, and we only saw each other once a week for the first 5 months. I wound up getting pregnant after only knowing each other 5 months, but we were both excited and decided to move in together once the baby was born. Fast forward to now, we have a 3 year old and we just don’t seem to ha... More

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    I grew up in a home where no one ever fought and my parents had the ideal super loving relationship and guess what, me and my siblings all have had issues with relationships because in most relationships people fight and not everything is like a fairytale. I have issues anytime yelling or fighting occurs making me think I need to find someone else who is more like my dad. I don’t think there is... More

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    I think settling in a relationship where there is no love, or not enough love, teaches your children to settle and that you're not worth more. I've watched my friends parents stay in crappy relationships and am super grateful that mine chose to divorce. I now have 4 parents. It hasn't harmed me anyway and was definitely better than sticking it out for the kids.p

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 04

Sex...anyone else?

My husband and I haven’t had sex in two years. It’s not lack of trying but since our second kid, it’s just not happening. We have really great open, honest and candid communication about it but btwn being exhausted at the end of the day and wanting it at different times, it just stops there. We flirt, fondle, and kiss we just don’t make it to sex. I suppose I’m just looking to see if any one... More

  • HR
    Nov 09

    I’m in the same boat. If I figure it out, I’ll share my wisdom. Right now I’m just assuming it’ll get better when our little one is older.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 01

Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). doesn't want to go counselling or fix

I need your advice on how to fix my marriage and how knowing that my husband is not willing to go for counselling and that i really want to fix it, we have been married for 10 years. Please be patient with my long post. My husband has always been the type of husband who expects me to do it all; all house chores laundry cooking etc., drop offs-pick ups of kids, putting them to sleep and even te... More

  • HR
    Nov 09

    Agreed. This guy isn’t taking you seriously, and he will keep acting like this. It’s entirely possible he won’t stop, either. Even if he won’t go to a counselor with you, it’s important you go regardless. The counselor would be able to help you figure out what to do next.

  • Lindsey
    Nov 15

    To be honest, he sound very self-centered. And that's being nice about it. I am not trying to be rude, but after reading all of that I just can't find a single good thing about him. You deserve so so so much better. Many thoughts come to mind: 1. Why do you have to do everything? Is he not your life partner and father of your children? I dont care if you're a stay at home mom an... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 31

How to not resent my husband??

How do you all keep yourselves from resenting your husbands when your workload is unequal. We both work full time. I almost always cook dinner, I clean up dinner, I do all the laundry except my husband’s, I get kids to and from day care, I give baths, I pay bills. my husband does watch the kids when he is off work and I am working. He also helps get the kids to bed when he is not workin... More

  • annag
    Nov 01

    Also, a recent Harvard study seems to indicate that having a mother who works outside the home is beneficial to the kids she raises. Here's a link to Harvard's press release about that study: https://www.hbs.edu/news/releases/Pages/having-working-mother.aspx

  • Chelsa
    Nov 02

    My husband and I usually split the chores pretty evenly (that’s been about 8 years of figuring it out, together 11 years and kids 6 years). But it’s from us talking when something upsets us and coming to what chores we like/don’t like and what each of us will do so the work gets done and we feel like we’re working as a team. It works out because the things he doesn’t mind, I don’t like, and vis... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 28

Attempting to be Patient with my Husband

I’m a full time working mom of twins, my husband works full time too. Life is busy life is stressful. My husband is a great Dad. But he is not good with helping around the house. He works a 9-5 type job, he usually goes to the gym and doesn’t get home until 7:30ish pm. I do shift work, so I work 7-7 three days a week. The kids are with Grandma when we are both at work. The issue with my schedul... More

  • B
    Oct 29

    My husband and I sat down and made a list of all the things. Literally all the things. Then we each picked big jobs that are done regularly and took them. No nagging. Just ours to do. He chose dishes and I chose grocery shopping, for example. Then we swap other jobs depending who has time. But no nagging anymore, since we are both clear on what’s divided. It was a marriage saver.

  • B
    Oct 29

    We did it after I read a few articles about mom mental load, and shared that idea with him

Separation with dad

We decided not to stay together and even if I think that’s the right decision I am having a really hard time to processing everything. We have a 2 YO and I am really worried about her.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 22

Vacationing with a 3 year old

I am a stay at home mom and in need of a break as I am the primary caregiver for my child. When we last went on vacation over a year ago, I suggested to my husband that we share some tasks such as taking turns to feed dinner, going to the beach with our kid etc so that We both could get some Me time on vacation. My husband is super nice but clueless about taking the initiative to do baby-chores... More

  • Katie
    Oct 23

    So, just because you stay at home to be a caregiver to your child and do the majority of the domestic stuff, doesn't mean he gets to skip out on doing his fair share. Otherwise you will never, ever, ever get a break (and start to resent your family) because childcare never ends. Realistically, your "work at home job" obligation is equivalent to whatever hours he is working at his... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 25

    I’m on the same boat. But even when my husband tries to take care of my 2 yr old daughter, my daughter cries for me. So I accepted it already that I don’t get me time on vacations/ even at home (as much as the husband ). At the end of the day even if it’s late at night I try to have my me time when I finish my chores and when everybody’s asleep. We run out of patience sometimes it’s ok. It’s ... More

Anonymous posted in Family Planning Oct 21

Baby dilemma

My LO is 18mo and my step child is 10 years old. My husband doesn’t want anymore children but I know if I don’t have another I’m really going to regret it. He is 100% adamant on not having anymore. I’m not sure what to do because I’ve been having really bad baby fever.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 27

    Ask him why he doesn't want more. I'd also share the fear of regret you have with him if you haven't already. I would explore your own desire to have more also (why do you want them, are you in a rush, how would it help you grow as a person & family, etc). My husband fought a second kid for about a year but we finally got to a point of understanding each other and are ttc now. T... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 20

Feeling obligated to spend time with in laws

SO works a ton, and otherwise sadly doesn’t appreciate quality family time, he is always either working or really tired. I stay at home with the kids but work part time remotely, and his parents always reach out to me reminding me how they are retired and can help babysit or will say you should go do this so we can come over and watch the kids. For one, when they come over they stay for hours s... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Oct 12

Early bird gets the worm.

I need some advice. I am a stay at home mom that occassionally works as an independent contractor. I get up pretty early to take my kids to school, and get a start on my day. Although, my husband doesn't. He goes to work whenever he wants [also, an independent contractor] so he doesn't have a super weird schedule where I would have to be mindful of noise level. BUT, everyday when I com... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 08

I am so disappointed with my husband

We have a 2yo daughter, and we’re also expecting our 2nd. We currently live with his father. His sister lives in the same neighborhood. Recently our daughter has become super picky and selective with her meals. She’ll easily skip lunch, snacks and dinner. As you can imagine I’m super stressed and have been considering taking her to see her pediatrician. I’ve noticed that my husband’s family is ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 08

    I think it's a man thing. they just really easily seem to glaze over details.... like pants and shoes! It doesn't end here unless you take time to have a serious discussion with your husband and let him know how stressed and worried you are and that you need to be able to rely on him. Make her the doctors appointment and tell the in-laws some of the "healthy eating habits" you... More

  • HR
    Nov 09

    You could give your husband an ultimatum—“You tell your family, or I will.” It’s also possible that he could be telling them, but they just won’t listen to him; either way, you might have to be the one to speak up. Your husband will need to back you 110% on everything though. For example, my family won’t listen to me (about anything, honestly), but if my husband says something they’re more li... More

Yo posted in Cute Oct 07

A cute idea ?

Good day all, What would be a cute idea/surprise for somebody to receive their significant other at the airport other than the traditional flowers and balloons ??? I can’t honestly think of anything else lol

  • Kieli
    Oct 07

    As long as your getting there right when they arrive lol

  • PK
    Oct 07

    A funny or flashy sign to embarrass them?

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 04

Married and crushing

I met someone at work and was asked out. I declined but I was attracted to this guy although it is not someone I would ever date because... 1.). I am married 2.) he is a “bad boy” 3.) I am married I didn’t tell my husband and won’t see this guy again. Despite all of this I have been completely fixated on the guy/situation. It makes me feel like a bad wife or like something is really ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Op here. Thanks for your input! You are completely right, I need to redirect the energy. It is hard b/c my husband is not putting in much effort either (we do two or three date nights a year usually related to his work). I more often feel like the maid/cook/finance handler/nanny to my husband rather than his partner/friend/lover. It was nice to have someone see me as a whole person r... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Oh yes, you definitely need more date nights, 1 per month at least and not related to his work. It would be so worth it to outsource any chore/task you can to make time for each other. Keeping up all the cleaning and laundry was starting to be a real stress on me and the relationship and I always felt really lazy or even ashamed to consider a house cleaner, also we are not extremely rich or... More

Anonymous posted in For Dads Oct 03

Dad doesn’t understand how toddlers work

Husband does a lot around the house (minus kitchen), and I do most of the parenting and anything related to the kitchen. During an argument I realized he doesn’t understand how a 15mo old thinks. He says she only wants what she wants and he thinks it’s wrong/he can’t always Give her what she wants. She should want what dad wants. So, She is whining for me but I’m cleaning tub because we had s... More

  • Morgan
    Oct 04

    I second sarah

  • Anonymous
    Oct 04

    You all are amazing!!!!! Thank you!!! And you’re all so right. Men just know we will take care of it but that’s not how co-parenting works. It’s a struggle-bus over here, and don’t know when I get off this bus but I’m working toward it! ❤️❤️❤️

How do I deal with a husband who does not consider me family?

I have been married 7 years and have a toddler with my husband. As my post aptly says I am disrespected. My husband is always saying " You dont behave/talk that way with my family " or I am not interested in anything involved with "your" family. I never almost hear the word "us" or "our".My mother in law is video calling my husband twice everyday and gett... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 02

    Have you asked him about his choice of words? My husband does something similar to yours as far as distinguishing between my family and his family. I remind him that my brothers are his brothers now and that his sister is my sister. He will take a step back and acknowledge that but he still continues to use those words. I guess I’m also a little confused with your post as far as what he’s doi... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 10

    I'd personally be running towards divorce but I have no tolerance for being even slightly disrespected. However, if he is willing to go to counseling, it may be helpful. If he's willing to go it shows he at least has some respect for you. If not, he's not going to wake up randomly one day and become a nicer person. You're not protecting your kid by not making a move... all you&#... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 01

What should I do?

Hi everyone, I recently had a disagreement with my husband. He yelled at me for spending to much money on groceries and complaining that I’m not working. He made it sound like I’m not working so I should not spend money. He works then he can spend it. I feel hurts really hurt. I’m at home with a 2 months old, 2 years old, and a 5 years old. I am tired very tired, he doesn’t help me with chores ... More

  • Jade
    Oct 02

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine how lonely and exhausting it would be having to take care of home life all on your own. It sounds like your husband is quite controlling and exhibiting some really unhealthy behaviors. This isn’t normal and you don’t have to put up with it. I would encourage you to reach out and give this number a call. They can help you figure out next s... More

  • Morgan
    Oct 03

    I would consider counseling

Guilty mom

How should I break the news to our kids that my husband and I are taking a 3-day getaway without them! They are 7 and 9.

  • Beth
    Sep 19

    Definitely what Caroline said! Focus on what they get to do! You'll miss them and if they miss you, you can always have a phone call or a FaceTime these days! Don't tease them about how nice it'll be for you guys to not see them, because that'll start to frame it like they're a burden.

  • Anays
    Sep 25

    Thank you ladies. It went super well.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sep 05

How to deal with ex-wife when kids are adults

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He was previously married for 22 years and has 2 adult children ages 35 and 38 with his ex-wife. They communicated multiple times daily with texts and phone calls and 99% of the time it was not about the kids. When he and I started seeing each other it was obvious she was still in love with him...even though she's been married for 10 years... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 25

    sorry to hear you're dealing with this BS. if your husband is serious about YOU, he really needs to put his foot down and decide which side of the fence he is on. It's not fair to you for him to let this go on. co-parenting is the reality everyone has to deal with, but there is levels of respect that come with it. if your husband is going to continue to let his ex-wife disrespect you, t... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Aug 31

Silent treatment?

Has anyone had their spouse or partner give them the silent treatment or cold shoulder? My husband often gives me the silent treatment/cold shoulder and I find myself so confused as I wish he’d tell me what exactly I did wrong instead of refusing to talk through a problem/situation. It’s so hurtful. He does it all the time. Has anyone gone through this? How do you get past it? How do you let ... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 10

    This is such poor communication (or lack thereof). It hurts the other person and it,doesn't accomplish any reconciliation or other goal (other than retribution). Therapy can teach healthier and effective communications styles.

  • Aya
    Sep 18

    I do it to my husband often as well...even though I know it's childish and gets us nowhere. Mainly because it's a recurring theme, I know exactly why I'm angry, and I know exactly how he will react if I nag him again. I think the first step is for both of you to understand your communication style (ie - both you and him understanding when this happens) and at least for both to be ... More

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