Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Friday

Is it normal to be around my husband ex-partner on family events? Dey have 4 children together

Dey have been together for 10 years both where very young his family has pretty much Ben her family... his family loves her. There separate because he cheated on her with another women and had a daughter. I ended up meeting him and felt In love now we have one of our own I my self have 4 children. Everyone things I’m wrong for not wanting to join family events if she’s invited just out of respe... More

  • Anonymous
    Saturday

    I think they have kids together and she deserves to be there for her kids events if that’s what she and he want. Doesn’t mean you can’t be there too

  • Anonymous
    Saturday

    He him self doesn’t feel right we have tried it and we both have agree that it wasn’t right. Everyone else doesn’t seem to feel the same

Only hearing baby at night and not preggo wife.

Hey all, I’m looking for some advice on how to hear both my wife and my kids during the night while I’m sleeping. While my wife was pregnant with our first child I heard her instantly when she needed help turning or anything else; but now with our first son born and in the room in his crib and she’s pregnant with our second child (third trimester) it seems I only hear him stirring in the night... More

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 19

    Does she hear you every time you whisper or move? Probably not. Does she hear your son every time he moves or cries? More likely. We are wired to hear our babies but our spouses? Not so much. I’m usually 100% all in on supporting pregnant moms but I think your wife needs to be more understanding...

  • Scott
    Sunday

    I appreciate it thank you! Her expectations are hard to reason with sometimes.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Feb 14

Has anyone ever thought about leaving/splitting with your spouse?

I’ve tried to make it work but I’m not happy, we mainly just got together because I got pregnant. There’s no romance, terrible communication, I feel like he doesn’t really care. I really wanted it to work for the kids but I just want more, I know it’s selfish. I just feel like there’s nothing else I can do.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 15

    Sometimes parents can be better parents when they’re separated. You are their role models... so think about it this way, is this how you want to show your kid what a healthy relationship, marriage and love is? Some things to consider too... Depending on how old your child is, there may be some effects on them. I have a friend going through a divorce and it’s affecting their kindergartener. He... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Feb 13

SAHM, does your SO remind you how you’re not working/bring home a paycheck?

It seems like anytime we argue my SO brings it up. How I can’t spend money. Or paying the bills. Etc. it just hurts my pride so much, I used to work and did whatever I wanted with my money, Now with kids, we thought it’d be better for me to stay home and watch them so we won’t have to pay for daycare.

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    I can’t put the kids in daycare and his job doesn’t have a steady schedule and gets put out a week before. He works day and night shifts so it’s hard for me to figure out a job and set a schedule for it. I’m also in school as well and so is he.

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    So before we decided that I would become a sahm, we wrote down a rough estimate of our monthly expenses and what we make on a bad month (maximum expense and lowest amount income). My husband made the most and we figured out that my paycheck would cover daycare but then only have a little bit leftover each month. We didn’t think the stress of having strangers watch over our son was worth it. Als... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Feb 06

Is one parent always the planner?

Just curious about the dynamics of other people’s relationships with their SO. I’m a sahm so I end up doing most of the planning on a day to day basis, daily decisions... which is fine and understandable to me. My son is 3 years old now and I have had the same conversation with my husband about this so many times. As far as date nights, family outings and anniversaries, I have done all the pl... More

  • Aye
    Feb 09

    Yes! Everything from what we’re having for dinner to what we’re gonna do and go even out to eat. Even when his family texts to do stuff he rarely responds and it’s me responding. Birthdays too. Whenever I ask him he gets annoyed. Sometimes it’ll be nice not to plan things. But when he does do it, it turns out a mess 🤦🏾‍♀️ so he leaves it to me

  • Tash
    Feb 13

    My husband is the planner and plans everything (restaurant for date nights, day trip ideas, weekend away ideas and hotels, most vacation planning, all grocery shopping). Before I met him, I was often the planner in my relationships (I'm a great planner too!) but my husband is in a different league and if I pick something, I know it likely wont be as good as what he picks / organizes. I st... More

How to get help from my husband

my baby is now 9 days old and my husband still has only changed 2-3 diapers. he doesn’t do any house work. and we have 2 dogs that he used to take care of but now it has fallen on my shoulders as well. he doesn’t work and all he does is play video games all day long and sleep throughout the night while all my life is is baby. I feed her, change her, take care of the dogs, do the house work and ... More

  • Kristin
    Jan 19

    Leave the house during the day and leave the baby with him. Go sleep somewhere or have time to yourself. Then he will have to see what you do and hopefully want to help you more. I had to leave the house for my husband to do more with the baby.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Jan 18

Unacceptable behavior as a father?

My SO is going through a lot with his job. Last night he said he wanted to visit his parents and talk to his dad about it. Around 10:30 I get a text saying “going to bed, goodnight”. No call, didn’t discuss he was going to sleep there. This morning I text and call him and no answer. I texted his parents asking if he’s coming home and this is unacceptable for a grown man and he should be home wi... More

  • Kieli
    Jan 18

    Was he this way when you guys got married? In regards to him not helping with the kids, my husband is the same way. He works hard, physically and mentally hard jobs all week. As a SAHM, I take care of our daughters’ needs. He helps some on the weekends but not much. It sounds to me, if you have expressed your concerns and he is not wanting to change, you have 2 options. 1, work with what you go... More

Anonymous posted in Family Planning Jan 01

Spouse disagreement ..

Hey everyone I'm new here and looking for some advice on a disagreement that my boyfriend & I are having about surrogacy I don't know why but I've been interested in surrogacy since I was about 18/19 (I'm 21 now) but you have to be a parent of atleast 1 child (I didn't have any children then) but last July on the 10th I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy... So re... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 28

How much time does dad spend with his kids?

How much time does the father of your child(ren) spend with them? My partner and I are raising three kids together. The older two are his from a previous marriage, but we have them most of the time. The youngest is ours together. I’m a SAHM and my partner works from home a lot of the time. His work is often slow, so he is home doing nothing all day. He rarely helps me with anything and doesn’t ... More

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 17

    Your husband needs to grow up. I have only one child and my husband does have a grown stepdaughter from his first marriage who he still maintains close contact with (and who we call my daughters sister since she’s going to otherwise be an only child). Anyway me and my husband both work but we also both pick up all the slack at home. From cooking, cleaning, and outdoor stuff to child rearing. I ... More

  • Leelee
    Jan 30

    Was this something new he picked up after you moved in together or was he always a man child who played video games in the basement? Did he spend lots of time with the older two kids before you got pregnant? Or was he always like this and you just hoped he would change once y'all's baby showed up? While the article posted has some good points. It's mainly the overlooking of bad part... More

Getting back with my child’s father

I have been thinking about trying again with my ex, with whom I share a 3-yr-old son. We broke up 3 years ago, so our son has never really seen us together, kissing, etc. He has been wanting to try again pretty much since we broke up, and I feel like we both have changed as people and certain things aren’t factors anymore (like, for instance, his ex, who did a lot of meddling in our relationshi... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 25, 2019

Would you stay in an unloving relationship just for your kids?

My fiancé and I met 4 years ago. We were trying to take things slow relationship wise since I already had a child, and we only saw each other once a week for the first 5 months. I wound up getting pregnant after only knowing each other 5 months, but we were both excited and decided to move in together once the baby was born. Fast forward to now, we have a 3 year old and we just don’t seem to ha... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 05

    I grew up in a home where no one ever fought and my parents had the ideal super loving relationship and guess what, me and my siblings all have had issues with relationships because in most relationships people fight and not everything is like a fairytale. I have issues anytime yelling or fighting occurs making me think I need to find someone else who is more like my dad. I don’t think there is... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 05

    I think settling in a relationship where there is no love, or not enough love, teaches your children to settle and that you're not worth more. I've watched my friends parents stay in crappy relationships and am super grateful that mine chose to divorce. I now have 4 parents. It hasn't harmed me anyway and was definitely better than sticking it out for the kids.p

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 04, 2019

Sex...anyone else?

My husband and I haven’t had sex in two years. It’s not lack of trying but since our second kid, it’s just not happening. We have really great open, honest and candid communication about it but btwn being exhausted at the end of the day and wanting it at different times, it just stops there. We flirt, fondle, and kiss we just don’t make it to sex. I suppose I’m just looking to see if any one... More

  • HR
    Nov 09, 2019

    I’m in the same boat. If I figure it out, I’ll share my wisdom. Right now I’m just assuming it’ll get better when our little one is older.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 01, 2019

Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). doesn't want to go counselling or fix

I need your advice on how to fix my marriage and how knowing that my husband is not willing to go for counselling and that i really want to fix it, we have been married for 10 years. Please be patient with my long post. My husband has always been the type of husband who expects me to do it all; all house chores laundry cooking etc., drop offs-pick ups of kids, putting them to sleep and even te... More

  • Lindsey
    Nov 15, 2019

    To be honest, he sound very self-centered. And that's being nice about it. I am not trying to be rude, but after reading all of that I just can't find a single good thing about him. You deserve so so so much better. Many thoughts come to mind: 1. Why do you have to do everything? Is he not your life partner and father of your children? I dont care if you're a stay at home mom an... More

  • Adam
    Feb 13

    I recommend listening (or reading) a book called ‘Boundaries’. It will teach you how to stand up to him and learn to say ‘no’ gracefully. If you don’t establish personal boundaries for you and your children, you are enabling him to continue to act the way he is acting. I know I make it sound simple, but it’s probably going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. If he doesn’t learn to respect y... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 31, 2019

How to not resent my husband??

How do you all keep yourselves from resenting your husbands when your workload is unequal. We both work full time. I almost always cook dinner, I clean up dinner, I do all the laundry except my husband’s, I get kids to and from day care, I give baths, I pay bills. my husband does watch the kids when he is off work and I am working. He also helps get the kids to bed when he is not workin... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 28, 2019

Attempting to be Patient with my Husband

I’m a full time working mom of twins, my husband works full time too. Life is busy life is stressful. My husband is a great Dad. But he is not good with helping around the house. He works a 9-5 type job, he usually goes to the gym and doesn’t get home until 7:30ish pm. I do shift work, so I work 7-7 three days a week. The kids are with Grandma when we are both at work. The issue with my schedul... More

  • B
    Oct 29, 2019

    My husband and I sat down and made a list of all the things. Literally all the things. Then we each picked big jobs that are done regularly and took them. No nagging. Just ours to do. He chose dishes and I chose grocery shopping, for example. Then we swap other jobs depending who has time. But no nagging anymore, since we are both clear on what’s divided. It was a marriage saver.

  • B
    Oct 29, 2019

    We did it after I read a few articles about mom mental load, and shared that idea with him

Separation with dad

We decided not to stay together and even if I think that’s the right decision I am having a really hard time to processing everything. We have a 2 YO and I am really worried about her.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 22, 2019

Vacationing with a 3 year old

I am a stay at home mom and in need of a break as I am the primary caregiver for my child. When we last went on vacation over a year ago, I suggested to my husband that we share some tasks such as taking turns to feed dinner, going to the beach with our kid etc so that We both could get some Me time on vacation. My husband is super nice but clueless about taking the initiative to do baby-chores... More

  • Katie
    Oct 23, 2019

    So, just because you stay at home to be a caregiver to your child and do the majority of the domestic stuff, doesn't mean he gets to skip out on doing his fair share. Otherwise you will never, ever, ever get a break (and start to resent your family) because childcare never ends. Realistically, your "work at home job" obligation is equivalent to whatever hours he is working at his... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 25, 2019

    I’m on the same boat. But even when my husband tries to take care of my 2 yr old daughter, my daughter cries for me. So I accepted it already that I don’t get me time on vacations/ even at home (as much as the husband ). At the end of the day even if it’s late at night I try to have my me time when I finish my chores and when everybody’s asleep. We run out of patience sometimes it’s ok. It’s ... More

Anonymous posted in Family Planning Oct 21, 2019

Baby dilemma

My LO is 18mo and my step child is 10 years old. My husband doesn’t want anymore children but I know if I don’t have another I’m really going to regret it. He is 100% adamant on not having anymore. I’m not sure what to do because I’ve been having really bad baby fever.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 27, 2019

    Ask him why he doesn't want more. I'd also share the fear of regret you have with him if you haven't already. I would explore your own desire to have more also (why do you want them, are you in a rush, how would it help you grow as a person & family, etc). My husband fought a second kid for about a year but we finally got to a point of understanding each other and are ttc now. T... More

  • Teddy
    Jan 14

    Oh boy. I can only imagine being on different pages about such an important thing. Obviously (in all seriousness) YOLO, and if you want to have another child then that’s something you should probably do. I wonder what your partner’s thoughts would be about just doing it. Also, what are his honest reservations about having another one? Financial? Divided attention? Population control (😉)? We ha... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 20, 2019

Feeling obligated to spend time with in laws

SO works a ton, and otherwise sadly doesn’t appreciate quality family time, he is always either working or really tired. I stay at home with the kids but work part time remotely, and his parents always reach out to me reminding me how they are retired and can help babysit or will say you should go do this so we can come over and watch the kids. For one, when they come over they stay for hours s... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Oct 12, 2019

Early bird gets the worm.

I need some advice. I am a stay at home mom that occassionally works as an independent contractor. I get up pretty early to take my kids to school, and get a start on my day. Although, my husband doesn't. He goes to work whenever he wants [also, an independent contractor] so he doesn't have a super weird schedule where I would have to be mindful of noise level. BUT, everyday when I com... More

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