Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Tuesday

My BIL is living with us and it’s a nightmare.

My brother in law has been living with us for about 3 months now and he is an absolute horror to live with. Not only does he play his music at all times of the day while my 3mo is trying to nap/sleep, he NEVER cleans up after himself even though I’ve asked him (nicely) repeatedly to do so. He just recently blew up at me for leaving ONE dirty pan on the stove because he was trying to make dinner... More

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    I had a similar issue where I had both my mother and father I law living with us. I did all the cooking cleaning plus taking care of the kids and my mother in law did not lift a finger. She always had her tv loud while I was trying to get my children down for a nap or at night. It was horrific! I kept quiet for years because “they weren’t my parents” but they disregarded everything my husband... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Monday

I’m at SAHM and i’m scared I’m starting to resent my husband

He always talks about how he wants more kids but hardly helps out with the one we have. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re both new parents and he’s nervous but he hardly spends any time with her. He’s also super messy so i’m always cleaning and trying to get him to pick up after himself. And at the same time he complains that the house is too clean!!! We have a 7.5 month old so she’s always pu... More

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    @Amanda I’ll talk to him about it, it’s worth a shot. And the separation anxiety isn’t extremely bad I just worry about my daughter a lot. I trust my mom with her I just have a certain way of doing things to keep my daughter happy and i worry other people don’t listen to me when they babysit her

  • Anonymous
    Yesterday

    Hi - I can really relate to this as my husband is really messy too! I’ve realized that often it’s a communication issue as well as different expectations. My partner and I have decided to communicate better and we found this app called Relish which has really helped and it’s fun too.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Monday

Shared or separate bank accounts?

My husband and I currently have a shared account, but I’m curious to what works better in your relationship/marriage? How do you separate everything?

  • Stacy
    Thursday

    Thanks, Casondra! I have never heard of that and could NOT figure out what kind of baby gear was a bj.

  • Ling
    Yesterday

    We have both as well. We collectively put in a certain amount every month to cover shared expenses like mortgage, utilities, groceries, cell phones, insurance, baby stuff, but we divvy up the amount each person contributes as a percentage of total take home salary. For example, if the total amount to cover all of our bills come out to $5000 and Partner A makes $75,000/yr and Partner B makes $1... More

Alone time

This my 1st time posting. I’m a father to a 4 year and a 1 year old, ever since our kids were born they have been attached. I know kids want to spend time with their parents, but sometimes my wife and I just want quality time . Even if it’s just for a night. Any ideas on getting the kids to be more independent? I hope this doesn’t sound selfish of us

  • PK
    Monday

    Not selfish at all. How are they with a babysitter?

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    Well if they get along, have them watch a movie they like & tell the 4 yo to spend some time with his little sibling. We do that with ours but mine is 11, 7 & 2 so they help out a lot in the “entertaining” the smallest sense🤣 Sometimes it gets so stressful, I need a break.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Apr 12

Differences in sexual desire?

My husband and I have always been a little switched from the stereotypical couple. I’m the one who constantly wants sex, and my husband doesn’t feel that it’s as important as other things in a marriage. In my personal opinion, a sexless marriage isn’t a marriage. For me, sex is a way to gauge how we are as a couple. If things are good, and we are communicating well and relatively content, we ar... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 12

    We are the same way.. I have a higher sex drive than my husband’s. I used to get frustrated with my husband if we didn’t have sex at least twice a week. I don’t expect him to have the energy for it during his work week since he has a strenuous job. But let’s back up a bit and look back at what you said.. a “sexless marriage isn’t a marriage at all.” Are you guys not having sex at all? Sex is ... More

  • jxn8tors
    Apr 12

    Have his testosterone checked.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Apr 12

Family Gatherings

We’re a family of 4, my husband and I and our two kids. I have a big family compared to my husband. Holidays, and celebrations, etc are a big thing for us. He is always unwilling and states that he doesn’t need to go or be there. But we’re a family and we should be there together. Not just me and the kids. I understand that he doesn’t or we don’t need to go to every family event but if it is im... More

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    It’s also nice (and important) to spend time with just your immediate family, rather than focusing on the extended...

  • Angie
    Yesterday

    Compromise. Maybe he only goes to family gatherings on holidays and birthdays. Or take turns....he skips, you skip, he skip, you skip. The ones you skip,,,,,he gets to take the kids alone and you have a break from parenting.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Apr 01

Parenting book about work-life balance

My husband works all day then comes home and gets back online. He feels the pressure from the “always on” culture of his team, many of which are older men whose kids are grown, yet we have two young kids. Any suggestions of books that addresses this issue? (Note: I work too, but when we discuss it he takes it like a nag or that I don’t support his career.)

  • Anne
    Apr 06

    I don’t have book recs but maybe he would like the blog Fatherly? People I know in demanding jobs sometimes adopt a schedule where they block 6-8 for family time and then get back online after the kids go to bed. They even block that time on their calendar so everyone knows what they are doing. It’s really just about setting boundaries and expectations!

Marriage question

I don't understand why my husband feels cuz he works 12 hours a day he shouldn't have to do anything for the kids my kids are 18 14 + 8 and when he gets a day off of work while he wants to do is sit around the house and still wants me to do everything and then when I do want to go have me some me time he wants me to take two other kids with me.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 30

bed sharing and sex?

For parents that share the bed with their LO, how often are you really having sex?

  • Carisa
    Apr 01

    With my first one I still had sex like 3x a week. With my second, like 1x a week.

  • Yami
    Monday

    We have sex almost every other day. We just let the little guy fall asleep and move him to his bed while we have some mommy daddy time. He usually wakes up soon after and comes back to bed with us but so far so good. This method definitely has an expiration date so keep that in mind but for now maybe give it a try

Anonymous posted in For Dads Mar 30

I have no idea what to get my husband for his birthday!

We are having our first baby in June and going on a babymoon in a couple weeks (to Washington DC). Our last day there will be his birthday. Any recommendations for gifts or special things to do? TIA!!

  • Anonymous
    Mar 30

    What does he like to do? I’d do a fancier dinner together or a fun romantic thing. I live in DC if you want ideas.

  • Kathleen
    Mar 31

    Take him to a nats game. As for restaurants is he a foodie? There are lots of great restaurants here

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Mar 30

Husband always asking his sister for advice

Literally from baby name, to what to do when LO is sick or teething, to baby gear and it drives me up the wall. And when I tell him about it he says it’s just good to get a second opinion. It’s his younger sister and just because her kid is 4 doesn’t mean she’s a baby expert. Sometimes he’ll ask him mom but he’ll ask her too. What annoys me the most is when she’ll try to tell us what medication... More

  • Elena
    Mar 30

    Firts you should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and how you as a mother know things as well and would like to pick your own things since it's you kids.if you have a nice relationship with you sister milaw you should talk to her as well and explain how you are grateful for her help and advice but you know what you are doing and let her know to respect the fact that you wa... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 30

    I have, I’ve told him it’s my first baby and I’d like to be the one to pick things out but he likes to bring up how it’s saving us money and when I’d ask him to return it so we can exchange it he brings up how his family got it and they’d get upset or he says he’ll do it and never gets to it and now the baby’s one already. I’ve told him when it comes to medication LO has a doctor we can ask. Bu... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 26

BEING a SAHM causing problems for my relationship.

I am a STAY AT HOME MOM and I don’t drive due to serious anxiety problems so I’m literally stuck at home. I’ve thought of getting a job but I’d pretty much be working just to pay the baby sitter so that’s out of the question. I have no clue what to do at this point I’m starting to feel tired of my relationship and have started arguments for no reason because I feel like my husband is just free... More

  • Liz
    Apr 07

    Hi dear you need time for take care about yourself and your relationship put your baby 2 days a week in a daycare and take that time for you, exercise, nails, friends and so and so and maybe go to lunch or dinner with your husband . If you don’t feel good first nothing is going to work! Have a good luck !!

  • Devon
    Apr 11

    Find somewhere where you can get a professional to teach you how to drive. Find the local autocross, they can help. You do not want to be dependant on your husband, and you shouldn't have to be. I am extremely familiar with getting over debilitating anxieties and if you are struggling because you are stuck, it sounds like that is the first place to start. Your husband may feel helpless know... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 26

Marital problems

My husband and I had a fight the other day. I tried to talk to him about it after the kids went to bed and he went off on me. I was upset about the situation and how he reacted. I posted about the issue we disagreed on in a facebook online advice group. I was looking for input as to whether I was being unreasonable. I have posted in the group before and the advice has oftentimes helped m... More

  • Olivia
    Mar 29

    I have a few questions to consider (no need to respond) and thoughts...1. Why are you in couple's therapy? To save your marriage? To learn better communication skills? To fix a singular issue? To support one partner who is working through stuff? 2. Why isn't your husband doing the therapy homework? Is he going purely so that you won't divorce him? Was it his idea to attend therapy? ... More

  • molly
    Mar 29

    No matter how you posture it, posting personal marital issues can seem like washing your dirty linen in public. I would not want strangers judging me, just like ypur hubby. His feelings are valid. you bith need to have ground rules when it comes to social media. Then apologize to save your relationship.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 25

Hurt or petty?

So I’ve been seeing these posts on fb how it says “Dad should take pictures of Mom randomly when she’s doing stuff with the kids so they can look back on it etc”.. my husband never does. And I always take pictures of him with our babies at home or when we’re out. And now it’s starting to make me feel bad. My first Mother’s Day he didn’t do anything, doesn’t do anything on my birthday, Valentin... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 06

    I have about a hundred pictures of him with the kids and just selfies of me and them. It just feels like there’s not a lot of romance at all

  • Anonymous
    Apr 08

    Take the 5 love languages test with your husband. Before marriage, my main love languages were touch and quality time, but now it’s receiving gifts and quality time. Make sure he understands how important it is to you to feel loved, and that he knows the best ways to show you. It was an adjustment for my hubs to switch from touching me to show me he loves me, to giving me gifts. They don’t have... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 24

Right way to communicate with hubby.

So I’ve always had the issue of going out with my partner to someone’s gathering or party and not knowing how to get him out the door after spending a considerably good time with his friends. I’m not an outgoing, adventurous nor social person but I try to be every now and then for him. Recently we’ve had kids and I’ve grown to be more strict with our outings due to the kids schedules, how long ... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 28

    Thanks for the post. Our relationship has always been difficult because how he was brought up. He’s the provider and the woman takes care of the kids and the home. Lately I’ve changed his views a little but it’s not something he feels, example I have to tell him to do things all the time like he’s another kid, he doesn’t take action on his own even if he sees dirty dishes or toys all over the h... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 28

    I know this is not the most mature thing to say but tell him if he wants to have 1950 views then he needs to get rid of his social media accounts, get rid of his phone, trade in his car for an old beat up one, and live off the grid. In the meantime, you’ll be waiting in your modern home with the kids until he’s ready to join you guys back in present day where dad’s are more helpful and know tha... More

Dreams

So I am about 27 weeks 6 days pregnant and during my the start of my pregnancy till now I have been having strange dreams of my SO. The dreams always consisted of him leaving me or cheating on me but it was with always someone I knew. I feel like it can be me not feeling confident with myself due my body changing with it being my second pregnancy. But when I had asked people and even asked like... More

  • Julieann Dela Cruz
    Mar 20

    Okay thank you guys for your help! I love my SO and I know he won’t ever do what it dreaming about and he always reassured me all the time

  • Anonymous
    Mar 20

    Yea, I’m on pregnancy four and I consistently get very vivid dreams when I’m pregnant. My dreams swing a full spread from my other children being hurt, my husband cheating, and also wonderful X rated dreams. Lol.

After our fourth child my wife is having issues with her self esteem, how can I help her?

I’ve been going to the gym for the past two month to lose the sympathy weight but I can’t get my wife to participate with me mainly due to the fact that her dad used to punish her as a kid by doing physical activity so her cognition of exercise is twisted.

  • Jair
    Mar 21

    @Jessie Very good advise thank you

  • Jessie
    Mar 21

    @jair You’re so welcome. Good luck!

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Mar 17

Separation and Coparenting

My ex and I are trying to create a parenting agreement without having to go to court. Are there any ideas on what for sure needs to be in it? Or ideas on things that are good to include or not include?

  • Mary
    Mar 19

    I just filed my separation agreement, divorce final in 30 days... We used a mediator as we are very amicable and only used the court to file. Our SA has the following in it: Custody - list out who has legal and physical... it could 50/50 for both. Parenting schedule - who has who and when... list out the every day - what a typical week looks like. And then add in all the caveats; thanksgiving... More

  • Laura
    Mar 28

    If it’s “not so amicable” you would want to add that when the child is visiting, parents should encourage contact with the other parent. The contact should only be positive in nature and initiated only twice a day, with child’s contact amount 24/7. Also state in the Agreement that there are to be no disparaging comments made by ANYONE, to or around the child. Also specify which parent is re... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 17

Husband always working and uses it as excuse

Husband works 9-7 5 days a week and most nights when he comes home he continues to work til midnight. We’ve talked and fought and now go in circles about how he never takes the kids or gives me a break. On weekends he sleeps in while I get up at 7-8 am to get the kids dressed and fed, then he will sit on his laptop and work all day and meanwhile I’m left alone again all day with the kids. I’m f... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 18

    That’s exactly how I’ve felt, like I’m the single parent. And unfortunately his job requires him to work a lot, and he is able to make good money that way, but he seems to think he doesn’t need to take care of the kids ever. He does do dishes and food shops, but he doesn’t get up to get the baby or just take the kids on his own unless I ask several times. Some people I don’t think have that nur... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 18

    Couple Counseling is a great step to take if sitting down and discussing between you two isn’t working out. Hopefully he will be open to that and it will work out. Good luck and keep doing your part with your kiddos.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Mar 17

Need parents opinions

I'm a pretty damn good mom of twins but it gets hard a lot of the time. My S/O works a lot to provide for the family. It feels like he isn't doing what he should with the babies though. They're a little over a year old and I was hoping he would interact with them more. He basically gets home and says hello, gives hugs, kisses and every now and then will play with them for 5 or 10 mi... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 18

    Of course other men spend time parenting their children while supporting the family. Parenting isn’t just providing financial support or putting roof on their heads or just buying food. I guess you fell in the roles of past times where u take care of kids n he works. If you want change you are gonna have to work at it. Your are not being harsh and unappreciative; the father needs to do his half... More

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