Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Tuesday

Vacationing with a 3 year old

I am a stay at home mom and in need of a break as I am the primary caregiver for my child. When we last went on vacation over a year ago, I suggested to my husband that we share some tasks such as taking turns to feed dinner, going to the beach with our kid etc so that We both could get some Me time on vacation. My husband is super nice but clueless about taking the initiative to do baby-chores... More

  • Laura
    Today

    Sounds like you have some major issues with your husband to deal with, but assuming he doesn't change, you could vacation with extended family that will take the lead on childcare, or visit someplace all-inclusive that includes meals and even some childcare. Or if you're loaded, hire a babysitter at your destination (some hotels will have references or even services they use).

  • Katie
    Today

    So, just because you stay at home to be a caregiver to your child and do the majority of the domestic stuff, doesn't mean he gets to skip out on doing his fair share. Otherwise you will never, ever, ever get a break (and start to resent your family) because childcare never ends. Realistically, your "work at home job" obligation is equivalent to whatever hours he is working at his... More

Anonymous posted in Family Planning Monday

Baby dilemma

My LO is 18mo and my step child is 10 years old. My husband doesn’t want anymore children but I know if I don’t have another I’m really going to regret it. He is 100% adamant on not having anymore. I’m not sure what to do because I’ve been having really bad baby fever.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Sunday

Feeling obligated to spend time with in laws

SO works a ton, and otherwise sadly doesn’t appreciate quality family time, he is always either working or really tired. I stay at home with the kids but work part time remotely, and his parents always reach out to me reminding me how they are retired and can help babysit or will say you should go do this so we can come over and watch the kids. For one, when they come over they stay for hours s... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Oct 12

Early bird gets the worm.

I need some advice. I am a stay at home mom that occassionally works as an independent contractor. I get up pretty early to take my kids to school, and get a start on my day. Although, my husband doesn't. He goes to work whenever he wants [also, an independent contractor] so he doesn't have a super weird schedule where I would have to be mindful of noise level. BUT, everyday when I com... More

  • Jessica
    Oct 17

    Maybe try and appeal to his Daddy instincts and tell him that the example he is setting will stay with your children forever. Like the choice to stay up late and sleep late instead of being present for you and the kids in the morning is something he can change. They see and hear everything we do. Sometimes boys will emulate the hurtful behavior towards women and girls believe they should be tr... More

  • Cj
    Thursday

    Since he goes to bed so late he can do some of the chores for you at night when you go to bed and then you won’t have to start so early 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 08

I am so disappointed with my husband

We have a 2yo daughter, and we’re also expecting our 2nd. We currently live with his father. His sister lives in the same neighborhood. Recently our daughter has become super picky and selective with her meals. She’ll easily skip lunch, snacks and dinner. As you can imagine I’m super stressed and have been considering taking her to see her pediatrician. I’ve noticed that my husband’s family is ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 08

    I think it's a man thing. they just really easily seem to glaze over details.... like pants and shoes! It doesn't end here unless you take time to have a serious discussion with your husband and let him know how stressed and worried you are and that you need to be able to rely on him. Make her the doctors appointment and tell the in-laws some of the "healthy eating habits" you... More

Yo posted in Cute Oct 07

A cute idea ?

Good day all, What would be a cute idea/surprise for somebody to receive their significant other at the airport other than the traditional flowers and balloons ??? I can’t honestly think of anything else lol

  • Kieli
    Oct 07

    As long as your getting there right when they arrive lol

  • PK
    Oct 07

    A funny or flashy sign to embarrass them?

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 04

Married and crushing

I met someone at work and was asked out. I declined but I was attracted to this guy although it is not someone I would ever date because... 1.). I am married 2.) he is a “bad boy” 3.) I am married I didn’t tell my husband and won’t see this guy again. Despite all of this I have been completely fixated on the guy/situation. It makes me feel like a bad wife or like something is really ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Op here. Thanks for your input! You are completely right, I need to redirect the energy. It is hard b/c my husband is not putting in much effort either (we do two or three date nights a year usually related to his work). I more often feel like the maid/cook/finance handler/nanny to my husband rather than his partner/friend/lover. It was nice to have someone see me as a whole person r... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 09

    Oh yes, you definitely need more date nights, 1 per month at least and not related to his work. It would be so worth it to outsource any chore/task you can to make time for each other. Keeping up all the cleaning and laundry was starting to be a real stress on me and the relationship and I always felt really lazy or even ashamed to consider a house cleaner, also we are not extremely rich or... More

Anonymous posted in For Dads Oct 03

Dad doesn’t understand how toddlers work

Husband does a lot around the house (minus kitchen), and I do most of the parenting and anything related to the kitchen. During an argument I realized he doesn’t understand how a 15mo old thinks. He says she only wants what she wants and he thinks it’s wrong/he can’t always Give her what she wants. She should want what dad wants. So, She is whining for me but I’m cleaning tub because we had s... More

  • Morgan
    Oct 04

    I second sarah

  • Anonymous
    Oct 04

    You all are amazing!!!!! Thank you!!! And you’re all so right. Men just know we will take care of it but that’s not how co-parenting works. It’s a struggle-bus over here, and don’t know when I get off this bus but I’m working toward it! ❤️❤️❤️

How do I deal with a husband who does not consider me family?

I have been married 7 years and have a toddler with my husband. As my post aptly says I am disrespected. My husband is always saying " You dont behave/talk that way with my family " or I am not interested in anything involved with "your" family. I never almost hear the word "us" or "our".My mother in law is video calling my husband twice everyday and gett... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 02

    Have you asked him about his choice of words? My husband does something similar to yours as far as distinguishing between my family and his family. I remind him that my brothers are his brothers now and that his sister is my sister. He will take a step back and acknowledge that but he still continues to use those words. I guess I’m also a little confused with your post as far as what he’s doi... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 10

    I'd personally be running towards divorce but I have no tolerance for being even slightly disrespected. However, if he is willing to go to counseling, it may be helpful. If he's willing to go it shows he at least has some respect for you. If not, he's not going to wake up randomly one day and become a nicer person. You're not protecting your kid by not making a move... all you&#... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Oct 01

What should I do?

Hi everyone, I recently had a disagreement with my husband. He yelled at me for spending to much money on groceries and complaining that I’m not working. He made it sound like I’m not working so I should not spend money. He works then he can spend it. I feel hurts really hurt. I’m at home with a 2 months old, 2 years old, and a 5 years old. I am tired very tired, he doesn’t help me with chores ... More

  • Jade
    Oct 02

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine how lonely and exhausting it would be having to take care of home life all on your own. It sounds like your husband is quite controlling and exhibiting some really unhealthy behaviors. This isn’t normal and you don’t have to put up with it. I would encourage you to reach out and give this number a call. They can help you figure out next s... More

  • Morgan
    Oct 03

    I would consider counseling

Guilty mom

How should I break the news to our kids that my husband and I are taking a 3-day getaway without them! They are 7 and 9.

  • Beth
    Sep 19

    Definitely what Caroline said! Focus on what they get to do! You'll miss them and if they miss you, you can always have a phone call or a FaceTime these days! Don't tease them about how nice it'll be for you guys to not see them, because that'll start to frame it like they're a burden.

  • Anays
    Sep 25

    Thank you ladies. It went super well.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sep 05

How to deal with ex-wife when kids are adults

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He was previously married for 22 years and has 2 adult children ages 35 and 38 with his ex-wife. They communicated multiple times daily with texts and phone calls and 99% of the time it was not about the kids. When he and I started seeing each other it was obvious she was still in love with him...even though she's been married for 10 years... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 25

    sorry to hear you're dealing with this BS. if your husband is serious about YOU, he really needs to put his foot down and decide which side of the fence he is on. It's not fair to you for him to let this go on. co-parenting is the reality everyone has to deal with, but there is levels of respect that come with it. if your husband is going to continue to let his ex-wife disrespect you, t... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Aug 31

Silent treatment?

Has anyone had their spouse or partner give them the silent treatment or cold shoulder? My husband often gives me the silent treatment/cold shoulder and I find myself so confused as I wish he’d tell me what exactly I did wrong instead of refusing to talk through a problem/situation. It’s so hurtful. He does it all the time. Has anyone gone through this? How do you get past it? How do you let ... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 10

    This is such poor communication (or lack thereof). It hurts the other person and it,doesn't accomplish any reconciliation or other goal (other than retribution). Therapy can teach healthier and effective communications styles.

  • Aya
    Sep 18

    I do it to my husband often as well...even though I know it's childish and gets us nowhere. Mainly because it's a recurring theme, I know exactly why I'm angry, and I know exactly how he will react if I nag him again. I think the first step is for both of you to understand your communication style (ie - both you and him understanding when this happens) and at least for both to be ... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Aug 29

My husband is really negative

Seeking advice. My husband is really negative. Anytime something bad happens, he amplifies how bad it is and makes a mountain out of a molehill. It's always had a bad effect on me, but now it's even worse since we have kids and they are exposed to this negativity. Does anyone have experience with this - whether it's with a husband or other negative person in your life? Getting rid o... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 15

    I'm on the other end... I'm the negative person. It's not a guy thing bc I do it too sometimes & I am not one :P (though I learned it from my father). I have good days and bad days. The more time I spend outside or immersed in family activity, the better it is. I suppose sometimes it is for attention but I wouldn't say that's the main characteristic. For me, it's par... More

Husband not on same page

I really believe we need to sleep train our 14mo, maybe the Ferber method. My husband is completely against letting her cry for more than 20mins. I informed him that I am going to start today and that maybe it would be a good idea if he sleeps out at his parents house for the next 3 nights (since he has to be up at 2am for work). His reply is great I’m getting kicked out of my own house. I told... More

  • Jackie
    Tuesday

    Hello Anonymous mom, we haven’t done the sleep training. Her bottom molars we’re coming through and we are still waking up once a night for usually no more than 20/30 mins. We do however give her a small bottle when she wakes up (ya ya I know bad for her teeth). We just talked the other day about stopping that hopefully soon. I told him I’m all for not giving her a bottle (which I usually don’t... More

  • Stacey
    7h ago

    We let our son cry for 10 minutes then if he is still crying we go in and sit with him for a little while, give him some water and a diaper change if he needs it. Then back in the crib and he usually will cry for 5 min or so. Most nights now he will cry for 2 minutes maybe or he goes right to sleep. He still has nights we go in but that is maybe 1 time a month or less and he is 2 right now.

Father not involved

Im a SAHM with a toddler and a newborn. Pretty much I hate my life and at this point i do not like my husband. He used to be supportive with the first one but pretty much he gave up all his responsibilities, except providing shelter and food. Sometimes I would talk to him to take us places and he would do so. Then when we argue about choreses at home he would bring up the places and trips we ha... More

  • Ali
    Aug 26

    I think a lot of husbands apply a double standard to parenting that benefits them to the detriment of the wife. If your kids are that young, I would consider dropping any extracurriculars that aren’t necessary and join a group where you are around other moms/kids. I doubt your husband will change much on this issue but now you can decide what is worth committing to.

  • Stay-At-Home Dan
    Aug 26

    I’m a SAHD, and I think it’s completely unfair. This job is difficult AF but rewarding. Both parents should be involved. Doesn’t matter who works. I would not have baby #2. It won’t end well for you. If he won’t help with one, he definitely won’t help with two. This will bite him in the arse when he wants to connect with his child. My dad was not around and my step dad was not involved really.... More

Anonymous posted in Family Planning Aug 22

Sex advice

My husband is a wonderful Dad. He works full time, goes to school and helps around the house. He’s really awesome. We are currently trying to have a second child and to be honest - I do not find my husband physically attractive in a sexy way. I know that I should - for all that he does - but when I look at him in a sexy way - it just doesn’t do anything for me. I’m also a SAHM and am so so ... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    “My friend recently told me to ask my husband to take the lead one night a week...ie make dinner, clean up, put baby to bed etc in order to give me a break...” 1) If your husband is home, why isn’t he helping out with all of these thing every night? 2) why is the burden on you to ask? He’s a grown man who should be perfectly capable of taking it upon himself to step up and do his part without b... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    You can always seek professional help. Your gynecologist or general doctor can help. Or you can make a better effort. Put it in the calendar and that day take it easier. Maybe don’t clean as much or take a nap. Do your nails, make up, order take out..etc and make it a purpose to rekindle with your husband. It’s very important for you both.

Getting mad for little things?

I’m a SAHM and my husband and I have somewhere to be at 8 this morning. It’s about an hour drive and I got up at 5 am to take a shower and get ready to look nice for the event but also for him. But it makes me so mad that he can wake up 15 minutes before we have to leave take a shower, brush his teeth, get dressed and go. I put so much time in so early and he’s like “okay I’m ready” AND HE STIL... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 21

    Mine takes forever!!! It drives me crazy, we’re always late if we’re going somewhere together. I’ve tried everything, from telling him the wrong time to setting alarms for him. Now with two little ones, I cannot help him anymore. If we’re late, I try not to stress about it, blow it off as a little thing. And do lots of deep breathing on the way, ha!

  • Jennifer
    Aug 22

    Don't get mad over it, you're only gonna stress yourself out. Some guys just don't need that much time to get ready. Mine husband is the opposite. He always cause me to be late when I remind him a month ahead, weeks, days.......and then it comes to the day of the event, he would take shower, get dress, but then have to go on smoke breaks. We are already late, but he has to smoke... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Aug 07

Husband wants me to lose weight

My husband frequently mentions that we should “both” go to the gym yet makes no effort to go himself but gets mad that I don’t go, even though I do go more frequently than him. Claims he wants our family to be “healthy” despite encouraging poor eating habits. Says he doesn’t want me to be unhappy when I see photos of myself and I look big. Really I think he doesn’t want to have a fat wife. I do... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 08

    I’ve thought about this for a while cuz you are not wrong in thinking that your husband should love the inner you and not focus on the outside. Especially, since weight gain happens with babies and I’m guessing your husband can use some gym himself. Maybe to approach this, you can make a list of things that would help you get to the gym more often. Make a list of things around the house he can ... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 08

    Depending on how mentally strong you are, ask him outright: ‘Are you ashamed of my body?’ As the normal response goes he would say ‘No, I love you how you are..blah blah blah.’ because I’ve never met a guy that is 100% honest about it. But read his reaction. And tell him that you are know that you’re not in the best shape - geez, I’m reminded everyday. But I’m proud of my body that brought your... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Aug 07

Marriage therapist / counselor

How do I find one? What are things to look for? Does insurance cover it? How do we carve out time to see one and also manage with two young children? Thank you for your help & suggestions.

  • Caroline
    Aug 11

    I thought so but regarding our situation my husband doesn’t want to contact HR

  • Momof1
    Aug 11

    You wouldn’t have to tell them why you want to go. Just ask if they offer benefits like that.

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