Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Anonymous posted in Child's Health Thursday

Just wanted to vent!

It has being a very rough year mostly a very rough few months. Me and my husband are currently on a break due to alot of arguing and misunderstandings. Which is obviously very upsetting and sad. Thank god for my mother I don’t know where would i be in this moment. My son got terribly sick had a fever last week and it turned out it was an ear infection, a week later he got fever again 4 times in... More

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    Not sure how old your son is, but having a child can be the bigger stressor possible on a marriage. My husband and I thought we would make it through with no fighting, we were really great before my son was born, and we are always arguing and fighting now. I just have to keep faith that we’ll get through this struggle. It’s ok to feel sad sometimes! Life is full of ups and downs and that’s a no... More

  • Anonymous
    Yesterday

    Right there with you. My husband and I recently started marriage counseling. We moved in October, then about 2 weeks later our sewer started backing up into our new house, we had to fix that and replace the floors, then my close friend passed away suddenly, our son had to get tubes for chronic ear infections, then I found out my husband was getting a little too friendly with another woman. We&#... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Monday

Too far with the ultimatum?

With holiday season and the year coming to an end DH has been getting invited to social events (he tells me about them but doesn’t ask me to join, which I’m a little hurt but it’s whatever since I’m pregnant). However, he’s been getting drunk and end up staying at a friends. We have a 9 month old and 5 weeks left till EDD. I told him if he’s out drinking when I go into labor I won’t be contacti... More

  • Elena
    Monday

    Omg pregnant and had to get the uber to hospital. Uhhhmm no not far at all he should be by your side he has no business being out and stay at friends houses when you are pregnant with an infant he should know better 😥 I'm sorry for being mean I dont know you guys but Its sound like he doesn't get the seriousness of the situation. I would let him know how you feel and how disrespectful i... More

  • Andrea
    Monday

    I don’t think you went to far. Ppl will treat us how we allow them to. I think it’s good to set boundaries and to communicate how we expect to be treated. Plus, you let him know in advance. Good luck!!!

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Dec 09

What would you do if you were me?

I have two kids I love so much that I would do anything for them including keeping the marriage. I think my husband has sth going on but I can't find the proof because he is very sneaky. He doesn't sleep till morning every night. Everytime he uses bathroom would be an hour with door locked. He is really paranoid. We r in the same house but we pretty much communicate with text and it'... More

  • Breigh
    Sunday

    Yes I’ve had a similar experience I hate to be a downer but your relationship is already over. Trust is hard to rebuild. Your kids deserve to see you happy. They can see more than you think. I think you have your answer. It’ll be hard but liberating. You’ll change for the better

  • Elle
    Sunday

    Ditto Breigh's comment. If you can do marriage counseling, work through a priest or pastor or other third party, give that a try. If not, something has to change. Your kids are watching and learning. The dybamics you described should not be their model for a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Dec 03

Good communication between wife and husband

I really think I’m like minor depressed. It’s just to a point that I don’t want to do nothing. And my husband makes it worst without realizing it. Well now he finally confides to me that he’s depressed and holding in his feelings, from work. His job is a very stressful job (he’s in the military). So I finally got him to talk bout it and pretty much he feels like he’s not doing as good as he wan... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 06

    I think we are getting there. We are slowly talking about our feelings. I definitely saw a change yesterday as in helping me because he changed the baby a bunch without me even asking him. And even when I ask him to play or hold him while I get baby food or make dinner or take a shower/potty. He didn’t hesitate to do so. So after a long talk I think we're getting better. Just want to know i... More

  • Christy
    Dec 06

    But it's ok for you both to be down in the dumps as long as you are both open about it. And praise the Lord, girl - I know what you mean! It took my husband a while to do things without asking too, and it was like a load off my shoulders! It all takes time, but it seems like you both are going in the right direction. If it helps, try to just rent a movie together to have some time when kid... More

Work through it or get Divorced

How to determine if you should work through it or get divorced. I take my vows seriously so I don’t just want to up and leave when it get rough. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 yrs and married for almost 10yrs. We have 7 children, it is a his,mine, and ours. Which the kids don’t know that and we don’t use the word step. My husband has adopted mine I plan on to adopt his when ... More

  • Amanda
    Dec 04

    Thx for the kind words. It helps a lot just reading what your saying. I think it can be worked on and somewhat resolved. It will be hard and take time to figure it out but I’m hoping we can.

  • Karelis
    Yesterday

    I would say it sounds a bit like you may have experienced or are experiencing some post partum depression? So many women suffer with it and most don’t speak on it and seek help. I too was miserable pregnant (although I wanted to be) and felt a little blue after our second child. We got pregnant when my son was around 8mths old! It sounds like your stressors are from dealing with other’s issues... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 02

Drinking habits

Warning.. a long post. My husband works in law enforcement. The first couple of years he would refuse to have one drink even at dinner during his work week. When we were dating this was his rule as well as after we got married - so marriage didn’t change a thing. This was just his rule and I respected his choice (even though I think the occasional drink with your significant other at dinner i... More

  • Kieli
    Dec 02

    My husband drinks about that much too in the work week. More on his days off. He chews a whole can of tobacco a day, and smokes cigarettes/cigars. I’ve tried talking to him because he’s already not in the best of health at age 21. But he does it still anyways, and his family encourages the drinking. I’ve come to a place where I know I can’t change him, the more I talk to him about it the more w... More

  • Christa
    Dec 02

    So here are my thoughts. This is coming from a momma, a wife, and a friend. My husband was in the emergency medical services and worked as a paramedic for 15 years. For as long as he and I have been friends, dated and married. So I’ve been through it all, and he started out drinking really mildly then it got much like your husband is now, then it surpassed what I ever thought he needed to be... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 27

Sex drive after baby is born

Hey so my baby is 7 months old. And my fiance and I tried having sex at like 3 months post birth and it hurt so we said we can try later but since then I have had very very little desire to do anything sexual. I am tired all the time, my fiance and I have many stressors out side of our relationship and we tend to argue a decent amount about different things(all healthy though) but when I'm ... More

  • Jill
    Nov 27

    This totally happen to me. I hated even the thought of having sex knowing what just happen down there. It did hurt. The tiredness will never go away lol but it’s a normal for most of us that we get used too. Try some lube and just tell him how you’re feeling. Men are ready to go all the time and after a baby, I am not. I need to be romanced and have some fore play. So maybe just take a shower... More

  • Elle
    Nov 27

    Waking routinely 2-3 times / night could be doing it! That's some serious sleep deprivation. Prisoners don't even get that treatment. 7 months of that is really harsh on your body, too. Getting a few sessions/week of 30 minutes of break-a-sweat kind of exercise (ie jogging, running, biking, swimming laps) will regulate hormones and reduce stress too. PPA is post partum anxiety. I sugg... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 23

My fiancé is a picky eater and it stresses me out.

My fiancé is an EXTREMELY picky eater. We have an almost 2 year old & I have two kids from my previous marriage. He basically only eats JUNK FOOD. Jack in the Box, Burger King, McDonalds, Little Caesars, Pizza Hut, etc. He will not eat home cooked meals, he can’t be happy with eggs & toast in the morning. He just will not eat it, if it is made at home he wants processed foods. Mashed po... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 28

    Thank you all so incredibly much for your responses & first hand experience “testimonies” about your SO past stubborn ways😂 It has given me hope!!!!!!! So many good ideas from you guys, I appreciate it very much💕 I can’t respond to everyone but thank you 😊

  • Meg
    Dec 02

    My husband is a meat and potatoes guy. The only vegetable he eats is corn. We had several discussions about his eating habits and how they'd influence our kids before we even were engaged. He's on board with emphasizing that his habits aren't the example to follow. Now that LO is having purees, he's even pretending to like whatever LO is eating. It helped us to get on the same ... More

Gift for 10 years together!!

Any anniversary gift ideas/suggestions?! Thank you so much

  • Sara
    Nov 26

    If the grandparents or someone else is willing to babysit, how about a trip the two of you can take together? That way it can count for both of your gifts. Like a 10 year reunion of your honeymoon or even just an overnight getaway.

  • Caroline
    Nov 27

    Yes Sara, I love that idea. Unfortunately we have no family in the US and they never visit us :(

Anonymous posted in Food & Cooking Nov 22

Raising kids as vegetarians

Firstly is anyone else doing this? And how has it worked out so far? Now I’m talking about vegetarianism not full on veganism. Secondly, both S.O and my family thinks it’s ridiculous to raise our kids on that diet, I just ignore what my family says. However, SO is getting sucked into wanting to give our kids meat because his family. We agreed to raise them little to no junk/processed/fast foo... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 25

    @ashley that is exactly what my sil and her husband does! Saying it’s nasty when we give her veggies. LO is 9 months so we started to introduce some solids for her (mainly when we go out to eat, which my in laws Love to eat out almost all the time) they gave her ice cream when she was 1 month old, which I why I don’t like them baby sitting but SO says it’s unfair my mom baby sits and they don’t... More

  • Heidi
    Nov 26

    My parents tried to raise me as a vegetarian and it didn’t work to well and I usually felt like an outsider and weird as a kid. I was personally not a fan. As an adult I do eat meat but not a lot and certainly not much red meat. However I’m not raising my son to be either. I give him the option and see what he decides to eat. My dad is still a full vegetarian so the meat substitutes and tofu et... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 21

Easily irritated

Lately (a lot) my husband is easily working my nerves. Lol. I’m trying real hard to remain in a place of gratitude for all that he does, BUT recently it’s just a lack of communication from him (which I try to over communicate since I’m OCD) and he has a man cold too 😳. I know I love him but seriously, some days it’s like DUDE get with the program. Lol. Anyone else feel this way sometimes???

  • Anonymous
    Nov 23

    allll the time!!! I just told my fiance recently that he really just gets on my nerves at times. Most of the time I rather just be home by myself or with our daughter and just do not want him around but it's mainly because we have differing opinions on certain things involving life and our child.

  • Myrtle
    Nov 23

    I feel your pain! I think the reality is raising kids can be tough. I find I use up most of my patience with my kids so have very little left for my partner. We have family members with older kids and it seems to get easier so I keep telling myself it’s just a tough phase🤞

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 17

Little lies means bigger lies?

My husband had an early day off work yesterday and he told me he was going to go drop off something to the cleaners and go pick up our daughter from daycare. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He then told me that a coworker bought this new Pokémon game and then didn’t like it so he just gave it to him. For free. He said he wanted him to pay like $30 but instead just gave it to him. I found the... More

  • Emily
    Nov 17

    I agree it’ll probably lead no where. Is this the only time he has lied to you? He might have felt bad or guilty cause Pokémon games can be pricy or you bought the game he traded in. I wouldn’t worry if he hasn’t lied before. Ask him where that game is? See what he says he might come clean. If he hasn’t lied about other things I’d just blow it off. If it’s accompanied by other lies and weird be... More

  • Emily
    Nov 17

    It went from oh my friend bought me a game to I found it on the street. To I got punch in the street by a complete stranger it’s not a hickey.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 14

Sex drive

Our kid is 18 months old and we haven't had sex since birth. Should I be worried? How did you get back into it? My husband says he doesn’t want to.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 20

    Thanks lily. Had no idea about the low testosterone. How did you convince yours to get tested?

  • natalia
    Nov 20

    Urination

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 12

Laid back parent

Okay, so no offense to any dads out there. Y’all rock. But my partner is so laid back when it comes to our 8 month old that it worries me for when our new baby arrives at the end of February 2019. I’m constantly reading and educating myself on anything and everything. We never have co-slept, she doesn’t sleep in the car seat unless it’s in the car, she’s never slept with a blanket, I count how... More

  • Anthony
    Nov 22

    This is just me personally. If my wife were to have uttered anything like that, I would feel really offended and disrespected. They’re just as much my children as they are hers. On some level, I get the concerns for your children’s safety. But to assume your partner doesn’t care like they’re some stranger is absurd to me. Especially when we are trying to dispel stereotypical roles of parenting.... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 26

    @Anthony -she’s actually not his biological daughter but has helped me raise her since she was 2 months old.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 08

Intimacy

My husband has been a stay at home husband for a few years now with me. We have 2 kids and for a long time now I haven’t been in the mood to have sex. Now I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any friends, so I never go out or it could be because I see him 24/7. I need help :(

  • Amanda
    Nov 09

    I had to pretty much make myself have sex with my husband and then after awhile of just having sex at least 1-2 a wk it finally got back on track. I think it was just my hormones and they fact that I didn’t feel comfortable with my body since I just had babies.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 11

    It’s normal for things like this to happen. Its a matter of finding a way to spice things up with your husband. Make yourself feel beautiful and sexy because you are! Get yourself in the mood after the kids are in bed. Do a little role playing as well for some fun & some build up!

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 08

How often do you or partner lose your temper?

I am a pretty laid back person. My husband is high stress and has a temper. Everything is a big deal to him. We have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old. We both work full time and day-to-day life is stressful! My husband loses his temper at least once a day. Usually with me or just a general hissy fit (today it was because his computer wouldn’t work, last night my son and I were too lou... More

  • WombatStew66
    Nov 10

    Parenting is challenging and we all lose it with our little ones at times. What I have to remember is the disfunction I grew up with that carried over into adulthood and it wasn't until I was an adult and went home for a few months to visit my parents and siblings after a difficult time and came back home, all the pieces started to connect. I have a four year old as some days I get upset w... More

  • Tiffany
    Nov 25

    My husband has a terrible temper and doesn’t deal with high stressed environments well and I use to be like that years ago as well. But as the years went on and I saw how he reacted to things something clicked and I become the calm, voice of reason. He has come a long way and his temper is a lot more calm than it use to be but before he met me he didn’t have any children and never was going to ... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 07

Sex during your pregnancy

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We had our first daughter together in 2016 and we are now expecting another beautiful baby girl this month. Usually we have no problem when it comes to being intimate and no issues during my first pregnancy but I am always in the mood and he doesn’t even want to touch me. I finally asked why and he explained it’s awkward and my belly is too big ... More

  • Jay
    Nov 07

    If you guys never had any infidelity issues than I definitely wouldn’t be worried. I know every marriage is different but I trust my husband we both know where each other is at all times there’s constant communication. If he isn’t himself I give him time to open up sometimes he’s stressed from work and so many different things. Only you truly know him and your marriage. Your pregnant this is a ... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 08

    It may be nothing. I know my husband struggled at first with anxiety about finances and of having two kids instead of one. Once we talked it got a lot better.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 04

Is it possible to separate with your partner and actually work things out?

After a pretty stressful few weeks, we talked tonight about moving forward with separating and getting therapy. I'm hopeful, but honestly we've done therapy on and off for years so i think the most likely outcome is divorce. Does anyone have any stories of how they brought a relationship back from the brink and what happened?

  • Diana
    Nov 06

    I can very much recommend empathi.com It’s couple coaching (basically communication training) and can be done remotely. Even if you decide to separate in the end it will help you to minimize the damage and stay connected as parents imo. I know a couple who separated and still was very close for all questions parenting. The husband moved to a place in walking distance where his daughter also had... More

  • Jas
    Nov 15

    Separation worked out for us. We were having problems before he was relocated for work for two years. We used that time grow and and grow fonder and more appreciative of the other. We’ve thrived ever since.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Nov 02

Lost libido during pregnancy

I’m in my second trimester and I just don’t want to have sex at all. I want my husband’s hugs and kisses, but when he tried one step further I resisted so bad,not only sex but even some touch! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My husband and I don’t hug very often. Most of the time we just sat in the room doing our own thing...quite spiritual. But recently I started to feel I have less and le... More

  • Lily
    Nov 08

    This is my third time, and Starting at about 6 weeks, I just don’t want sex until after the baby. I just feel like crap. But like you, I still want attention. Some days I am okay doing it, so I go for it then. That got us through. But, really talking about it, telling him you have a person growing inside you and you don’t feel like it.

  • Ivy
    Nov 08

    I didn't struggle while pregnant, but did struggle so much, every time after having the baby and throughout the whole breastfeeding stage. I was so discouraged by the fact that I couldn't even get wet and we had to use lube. What I started to do eventually, was get myself into a kinky mood. On days where I know we haven't had sex in a while, I would get creative to put myself into ... More

Surrogacy

Lately I have been thinking about being a surrogate for a family who can’t conceive. I have a two year old and I am a stay at home mom. I brought it up with my boyfriend and he does not support it. What do you think? Is he right, wrong? I get where he is coming from to an extent but not fully.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 06

    Valerie . “Men’s egos are fragile” okay and ? That’s not her fault . “That isn’t adding to your family” really? You have a child so clearly you have no clue what it’s like not to conceive one . If Amanda was to do this she would be adding to someone else’s family. Which is beautiful. Don’t turn it into something anything other than that .

  • Elle
    Dec 07

    If it's something that lasts only 9 mo ths (plus a few months for recuperation, lets say 1 yr) ... And is a meaningful experience to you, I think he should be supportive or at least open to the discussion. In the course of your relationship, 1 yr is not that long. Maybe he has fears or concerns. Try to get him to air them. Maybe they are things that can be addresssed, mitigated. Or maybe t... More

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