Marriage & Partnership

Get support and share advice on navigating marriage and partnership after kids including keeping the spark alive, handling disagreements, and what to do when things aren't working out.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Friday

RELATIONSHIPS! HELP!

After you argue with your significant other... do you say sorry to eachother? Go into separate rooms? Leave the house or act like it never happened? How long does it take for that to happen? Do you stay mad for long?

  • Anonymous
    Monday

    My husband and I argue. It has varied in levels of intensity thus handled differently. Most small arguements we'll brush off or talk it thru within hours or by the next day. The longer ones we tend to cool off in different rooms. There has been one extreme instance where before we even talked about the situation, I needed time to think to myself. Long story short, he admitted almost cheat... More

  • Anonymous
    Monday

    Wow. Thank you so much! I'm sorry you had to go through that 😔 no woman should ever have to hear those words! You're a strong being! Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Jun 10

Trouble with in-laws

So tonight my husband went to his dads house to have dinner, i ended up staying home since i wasn’t feeling too great. I told him to take our daughter with him since I know my FIL loves to see her. So about an hour and a half they come back home and i ask him how dinner was. He says it was great! And that his grandma was there as well. He also mentioned that they gave our daughter those yogurt ... More

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    @Jennifer if anyone ever fed my baby coffee i would lose it!! what is with in-laws and giving babies things without parental consent? it’s ridiculous.

  • Sarah
    Friday

    We finally had to send out an email listing foods that were and were not age appropriate. They don’t feed them maliciously but it is very infuriating. Maybe work with your husband on crafting an email so it’s in writing and then have him be the one to send it so they know you are a team.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Jun 10

Going out

How often is it reasonable to go out and stay out? How do you compromise? I don’t mind the going out part, it’s just staying out all night that bothers me when we have two babies. Or is this normal? Are parents still clubbing and getting drunk on a weekly basis till 3-4 am? (Not judging other parents just the jerk who’s left me to look after our kids alone)

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    The thing is it’s mainly his family telling him to go out with them. Either his mom, sister or her fiancé and sometimes his friends.. he works at a bar too so sometimes he gets drinks there.. they think it’s okay for parents to have their alone time. Which sure if you want me time then okay. I don’t mind him going out it’s the staying out part that really bugs me but he says he couldn’t get a r... More

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    He's an adult, time to use his words. And it doesn't matter what they think.it matters what you and him think as two parents. If he cant manage to ask for a ride then he shouldn't be out. It's not fair to you.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Jun 10

Mental Load

I’m sure a lot of you have read about the “mental load” of being a mom. I feel this everyday. My Husband and I both work full time and although he does help a lot with the kids and has certain chores he does. I still feel like it’s a fraction of what I do. He doesn’t see the messes - he doesn’t understand that the kids can’t live on chicken nuggets. He doesn’t buy the car seats. What’s worse if... More

  • B
    Jun 11

    My husband and I went through this exact thing when my daughter was an infant. We decided he was going to take set jobs and they were his without me reminding, but he’d do them. When I pointed out that having to remind still puts part of the burden on me, he got it. So he washes ALL the dishes/bottles/pump parts daily. He folds the laundry. He does bathtime solo. And we split the cleaning and c... More

  • Elle
    Jun 12

    Google Love languages. Each of you take it. Then discuss each other's results.

I dont trust my bf mom to be alone with my baby.. Any suggestions???

My boyfriend and I have a daughter who is now 4 months old, I do not trust anyone alone with my baby except my mom/ family. I’m a first time mom & I breastfeed my daughter. My boyfriend’s mom keeps pushing for alone time with my daughter, Which i do go in and out of the room but to ana extent. We have gone to his house and I noticed this calendar in the kitchen and his mom will be charting ... More

  • anonymous.,_
    Saturday

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Couldn’t have said it any better! Speaking the truth thank you so much. This definitely helped! Made me realize that “mama bear mode” is only normal, love this!

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Jun 02

Dating my husband?

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. After some health issues and now having our little girl, I feel as though our marriage has lost its spark. I love my husband and have tried to talk to him about this and inevitably, I always feel bad for bringing it up... He doesn’t really like to talk about his feelings and it seems as though he doesn’t often like to open up to me like he used t... More

  • Keven
    Jun 09

    Get him the book “Dating your wife” by Justin buzzard.

  • Sara
    Sunday

    We designate a weeknight (if it’s weekends, it always seems to get pushed) as “date night”. Every week. We do Thursdays. We don’t always go out and it doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but that night after our son goes to bed is just for us (no talking about stuff that needs to get done, etc.). We also have a book of questions from the guy who wrote The Five Love Languages, I think it is calle... More

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Jun 01

TV and husband

Husbands first thing is turn on tv for the toddler. I keep telling him in a nice way and even angry way that he can't do that. That we need time limit and discipline. And then he always gets upset and storms out and says fine do it your way. Im so tired guys. Today i mentioned that maybe ill just never do screen time so whenever sons time with him is t.v. time and thatll be enough. And of ... More

  • Raji
    Jun 03

    I just straight up tell my husband tv isn’t an option all the time. That it isn’t good for her. He usually reads to her, play with a ball, go for a walk etc. fathers can do so much with their kiddos especially now tat the weather is nice.

  • Natasha
    Jun 09

    My husband resorts to tv first as well and it makes me frustrated. I just try to overcompensate by making sure we do lots of other non tv related activities in the other time when it’s just us so that he doesn’t get too attached to screens and tv time.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 30

Is my husband a big baby when he is sick?

I felt bad and inconsiderate but is it okay for me to be fed up when my husband is acting like a big baby when he is “sick?” He had a tooth infection and got 1 wisdom tooth pulled. He is still in pain, which I completely understand and feel bad for him, but what I can’t stand is him wining and making pouting faces. “In sickness and in health” so how can I better deal with this. Anyone else ”cod... More

  • Anonymous
    May 30

    My husband thinks he’s on his death bed for every little sickness he has. So he whines a lot and asks me 100x a day if he should go to the ER. But nothing to the point of baby talk, kisses on the forehead and coddling. If it got to that point and I’m taking care of a toddler on top of all that then I would just grab our son and leave for a few days until he gets better lol. But yeah... he’s a... More

  • Anonymous
    May 30

    My husband is the opposite (super hardass, high pain tolerance, etc.). However, I'm the big baby when it comes to being sick. I so want him to wait on me hand and foot; he knows it and he won't. He'll oblige if I ask for a nap but he doesn't "take care" of me with normal illnesses (mastitis and kidney stones were different). I get pissed off in the moment but I get ove... More

Anonymous posted in Holidays May 25

Spouse does not enjoy holidays

Does anyone else deal with this? When we first met he seemed to be interested in holidays, bdays, bbqs, etc. Now he will use any excuse to avoid them and even on Christmas morning, Easter morning he just lays in bed. Feeling alone and I don’t want to be miserable and miss out on all of these sweet memories with my little ones, but I feel like he makes my holidays miserable since he doesn’t enjo... More

  • Anonymous
    May 26

    He may not like holidays but not everything is about him. I'd imagine it makes it hard for the kids to enjoy the holidays when you have that negative energy lurking around.

  • Anonymous
    May 26

    He never can see that he makes everything about him. Literally every decision has been about whats best for him and its true the kids don’t enjoy the holidays as much. I may have to think about leaving but that’s not ideal either.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 24

Help husband believe in himself

So my husband is in the military. He’s a nuke. So his job can be stressful. Sometimes he finds himself down in the dumps and not motivated and feeling bad about himself. I’m worried about him since he’s not here( out at sea) How can I help motivate him? What can I do to make sure he knows that he is great and everything when we can only talk via email. My heart just aches for him Bc it’s not ... More

  • Samuel
    May 28

    He need to start reading about stoicism. It has been extremely helpful to many men in the military.

  • Samuel
    May 28

    Also, suggest to him to look into the Order of Man podcasts

What do I do if I’ve tried everything and my partner still complains about having to stay with baby!

Partner works full time I work 14-16 hrs a week. The days I work I have a babysitter who stays for a few hours until he gets home. He stays maybe 4 hrs alone with him if not less. He always complains about having to stay with baby because he is tired. Last week was the last time I lost my nerve. I put the baby to sleep and I went to the store for formula (mind you it was to get formula I was ... More

  • First time mommy
    May 24

    It’s so unfair that all responsibilities suddenly fall on us woman it actually makes me feel as if I have a grown up son. I hope and wish things get better for you. I don’t want to keep nagging about this but I am done bending over backwards for someone who isn’t responsible. Stay strong for your baby one day it will all turn out great! Sending hugs !

  • Charry
    Friday

    I am currently reading/listening to How not to hate you f* husband after kids.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 20

Husband is so negative

My husband gets In these moods every week or so where he gets irritated over anything and everything. Last night he took over dinner because I wasn’t making it right. If I did this to him he would be pissed at me. I let him take over and then he follows me around complaining and scolding me in front of the kids. Other nights I ask him to watch dinner so I can watch the kids and he gets n... More

  • Anonymous
    Jun 09

    @samuel, he works in law enforcement so I think it is the opposite. He controls everything and bosses everyone around then gets home and wants to control all of us. He went to 2 therapy sessions and wouldn’t read what the counselor gave us. His work schedule makes it nearly impossible to attend therapy.

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    RECORD HIM! Then show him later when he says you're being a drama queen. The tell him counseling or you have to leave the home until you change! YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!

Anonymous posted in Family Life May 16

Commute or move

Currently live in a town that we love with great schools, great walkable downtown, and our family is all within a few mins, but spouse is taking a job that is only 18 miles away, but the commute is about an hour because of awful traffic. He wants to move so we are within 5 mins of his office, and the schools are actually even better there, but it’s not the same feel. I love our town and it’s wh... More

  • Anonymous
    May 20

    K..... traffic really can kill the mood. We moved from Queens, ny to Colorado Springs and now southern Maryland and traffic is terrible. I can’t believe I tell my husband I miss Colorado Springs.

  • Anonymous
    May 20

    Yeah...it’s one thing if it’s back roads or something but we are stuck dealing w only 1 major highway that is always congested. Totally feel your pain! Although Colorado Springs is beautiful!

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 14

How helpful are most dads?

Interested to know the dynamics of other households. My spouse works close to 70 hrs a week, and I stay at home but work part time. He helps w occasional household chores, but never helps with the kids and never wakes up before me to get the kids up and ready. Will read our daughter a book once or twice a week before bed, but has never really been very involved with the kids and typically has l... More

  • Vee
    May 20

    My only other advice to you or any other mom going through this, is teach your sons to be a better version of their fathers. Teach them to clean up after themselves and help around the house as they get older. So the day they decide to move in with a partner and have kids, they will be useful.

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    Friday

    My husband, thank God, has always been a big help! He changes our sons diapers all the time and gets him dressed and other little things. We both do a lot! Just take turns with eachother or tell your spouse to do ABC and you'll do EFG...

Anonymous posted in Holidays May 10

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

The past 2 Mother’s Days (my only 2 so far) my husband never acknowledged that I was a mother. Last year, my FIL took my MIL and me out for a Mother’s Day brunch even! Anyway, he says that I’m not his mother so he doesn’t need to do anything which makes sense to me... but also isn’t this a day to celebrate that I am a mother and that he is a father and that we appreciate each other? I know we s... More

  • Spring
    May 17

    I find this horrifying. Is it because I'm a lesbian? Anyway I rented a beachside cottage in Stinson Beach and took my wife and our son on a 3 day trip for Mother's Day because we deserve it! Signed, Befuddled.

  • Elena
    May 19

    My ex husband would buy me a small gift and flower flowers from him acknowledging the fact that I was a good mom to his son and a present from at the time our baby which I thought was cute

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 08

Couples therapy

My husband and I have been going to couples therapy very sporadically. I feel like it has not helped at all. There is no regularity and we are there for 30-60 minutes. By the time we start talking about anything the session is over. I have gotten very little out of it. I am so discouraged!! How has others therapy been structured when it has worked?

  • CheerioMama
    May 21

    First, you have to make sure you both connect with your therapist. My husband and I have been going since the beginning of our engagement. We both are big believers in therapy and wanted to go just to make sure we were communicating well and not falling into the same patterns we were in high school (high school sweethearts). It’s helped us avoid a LOT of problems and now we can pretty much tal... More

  • Samuel
    May 25

    We are agents to act, make sure you and your husband are both doing the necessary work. Also, don't feel obligated to stay with the same therapist. I would also suggest letting God into your relationship. Study together.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership May 07

Feeling guilty

My son fractured his elbow by falling off the back of the couch and I feel horrible about it. My husband isn’t making me feel any better either. I know it was my fault but he’s making the situation and me feel worse than I already do. I know he has the right to be upset at me because it happened on my watch but to make me feel worse about it is wrong. Am I right?

  • K
    May 11

    Sh@$ happens! I have 3, a son (4) and twin girls (18mths), and they have all gotten hurt on somebodies watch. It feels terrible when it happens, so I never place blame on another. My husband on the other hand does not handle things so gracefully, and if he says anything I shut him down immediately. I’m sure it was very scary for you; you deserve to be comforted.

  • Fodder
    May 19

    Kids need to test boundaries and take risks, it helps them in adulthood. It isn’t always a clean process and sometimes results in injury. I’m sure you child is smarter for it and won’t do that again. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Anonymous posted in In-Laws May 02

Comparing how much we help our parents/families?

How do you deal/handle your emotions when your spouse feels they have helped your family enough, and if anyone asks for anything, the answer is no? Or my spouse said the exact words “what have you sacrificed for my family”. I didn’t even ask if we could lend my father money to float his business, I only told him that my mom told me he wanted to borrow money but she told him not to ask the ... More

  • Anonymous
    May 02

    Has his family ever asked for help with anything? If so, would you feel comfortable with helping them out as your husband has been willing to help out yours (even though you didn’t ask)? I would respond to your husband’s words that if his family ever needed any help that you would be willing to help out as he has done for yours. It’s just fair. But also all decisions to help someone money wi... More

  • Anonymous
    May 05

    Recently, my husband and I have been talking about this too. We loaned some money to my sister with her purchase of a house. If need be I’m gonna help my brother out too; which my husband is on board with. The thing is his mother has been asking him to help her with her mortgages; which I don’t agree with as she makes way more money than my husband but isn’t managing her money right. I’ve been ... More

What will the name be...

I’m getting induced on Thursday and my husband and I have not yet agreed on a name. He said we do a coin toss but I honestly hate the name he has picked out. And he hates the name I have. Why would we flip a coin if one of us will be upset with the name..? Having a baby is a happy moment. I’ve given at least 4 other options he’s once considered, I’d even be okay with doing a coin toss but on a ... More

  • Wend
    May 08

    I got to pick the first name and he got to pick the middle name. We happened to agree on the first name but it was very carefully selected with his heritage and one of my interests in mind. I don’t like the middle name but it’s ok...when does one ever use it? His name is Leonidas (Greek and he’s a Leo Sun sign).

  • Stacey
    May 09

    Wait until you see the baby. Most times someone or both of you will change your mind.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Apr 24

Wedding anniversary? Celebrate 5yrs stupid?

Ok so we hit 5yrs next year. And I know everybody normally does a 10 yr celebration, but if my husband is up for it I want to do maybe like a big celebration (if it’s even possible as we live 24hrs away from all of our family) or maybe an informal vow renewal. In my mind the first 5 years are hard. That’s where you truly learn everything about each other and come to love it and become one. For ... More

  • T
    Apr 25

    I think EVERY year you make is cause for a celebration. Whether it be big or small. The first five are the most trying.

  • Anonymous
    Apr 26

    That’s what I was thinking. He’s in the military and the last five years was the hardest with him have to go out to sea and the we had a child who is turning two this year. We are still striving. Be nice to do that big celebration.

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