Pre-Teens

Discussions and support for parenting your tween, ages 10 to 13.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Apr 12

Almost 9 year old daughter

I am so lost with my daughter. For the past month or so she has had a horrible attitude, she is acting like a teenager. Anyone else have this experience with their daughter at this age? It seems so early.

  • Darnell
    Apr 15

    The 9 year old age is an interesting one. They’re coming into their own personalities. I would say practice patience and and maintain your stance as the parent. It’ll get better

  • Krystal
    May 13

    My 9 year old is the same way.. very mouthy. Has to be reminded constantly to not talk back, watch her tone, not be rude. Actually the last time she was grounded was for her mouth.. yelling at me and being mean to her siblings. It's scary sometimes.. because yeah, only 9.

Anonymous posted in Child's Health Mar 07

ADHD pre-teen

Well, this is my first post to Winnie. Not sure what to expect but here it goes. I have a 12-yr old daughter who will be entering 7th grade next year. I am utterly terrified. She is bright, funny, sassy and well...she’s all kinds of wonderful but unfortunately she has lots of challenges too. She is severely ADHD and hyperactive beyond belief. This has impacted her grades for years and she rarel... More

  • Diane
    Mar 08

    Trust your gut. From what you posted, I agree that your daughter would benefit from medication and possibly counseling. I don't know about medications specifically and I am not a medical professional but she is old enough to communicate how the meds are affecting her so that should help in finding the correct dosage and type. Find a doctor that has expertise in this field and get her help a... More

  • Keri
    Apr 10

    I kinda giggled at this post because your not alone! My daughter is the same way in some aspects and my mother would say “look in the mirror”!! 😓😓 my daughter has grown up with adults most of her life and only kid time is at school. The kids don’t get her personality and her sense of humor. She is to smart for her own good and talks to others as she was an adult. It’s so frustrating sometimes b... More

Darwin posted in Pre-Teens Feb 15

Phone Trouble! Help!

My 11 year old daughter is the only kid she knows that doesn’t have a phone. She constantly comes back from sleepovers saying how everyone was on their phones for an hour and she had to sit there. I want to get her a phone, but we’ve had some trust issues with her previous tablet. She has an Ipad, but I can tell she wants a phone instead. The problem is that she will want Instagram and Snapchat... More

  • Ian
    Apr 14

    Our 9yo uses a Gizmo watch. It’s a smart watch that lets wearer send basic texts, voice calls to 5 preprogrammed #s (she holds watch up to face to talk and hear), receives SMS from a companion app. The app also lets you track watch location. No games or 3rd party apps to distract her during school. Charges via USB. It’s been great. Our daughter asks for a phone, which we’re not ready to get he... More

Anonymous posted in Pre-Teens Feb 08

Tween honesty issues

My 12 year old has a weekday curfew for phone use1.5 hours and a weekend curfew 2-3 hours per day ; she’s mostly introverted so the phone is her talking to her friends, her music, and etc.honestly she is sometimes glued to it, apparently her other friends don’t seem to have any kind of parental enforcement on their phone use and are texting 10,11,12 pm etc. And now my daughter sometimes sneaks ... More

  • Elizabeth
    Feb 10

    My teenage son did that too. Unfortunately, when he showed no remorse for lying my husband and I came to the agreement that we had to take it and lock it up in our room on the charger each night. We bought him an alarm clock. He gets the phone for school and after school activities but when he comes home he can only have his phone after chores and homework are finished. He can also only have it... More

  • Anne
    Feb 18

    I went through a similar problem with my daughter. I say you give her a talk. Gently talk to her and ask her why she’s lying. Refrain from getting angry and keep the tone of the conversation calm. Often children refuse to tell the truth because of trust issues with their parents. Are you too strict on her, or do you put stress on her? In terms of screen time, I verbally remind my daughter to sp... More

Is 10 years too young?

My 10 years old is begging me to leave him alone in our apartment while I go to activities with my little guy(6). The thing is I feel unsure about leaving him alone and not because he doesnt behave but I am scared an emergency comes up. I do not know any of my neighbors to ask them to keep an eye on him. When I take my little guy to his activities it takes about 1.5 hrs to go back home. While h... More

  • Kathy
    Nov 25, 2018

    Christmas ideas for 12 year old boy

  • Robin
    Jan 12

    In my previous state under 12 was against the law-

Makeup or Not?

My daughter is starting the 6th grade next week, she asked me today if she can get some makeup? My first thought was yes, finally something we might bond over that I know since I don’t know sports but then. Is she to young what to start off with, does make up make her more noticeable and attractive to boys (don’t want that) or should I be more worried about her skin since I use make up but not... More

  • Nancy
    Sep 22, 2018

    My daughter and I bought her makeup when she was starting sixth grade. I think she thought a lot of girls would be wearing it. We bought very natural colors. She used very little and before long didn’t even bother because not many others were but she had fun learning.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Aug 09, 2018

My tween is impossible to talk to most of the time.

My tween is impossible to talk to most of the time. She interrupts and has a bad attitude. She all of a sudden thinks she knows everything. Any suggestions for how to help?

  • T
    Aug 09, 2018

    By being firm but loving. Keeping age appropriate boundaries in place & having an open door policy.

  • Maya
    Mar 28

    It’s hard to be a tween. Sometimes you don’t think your mom is on your side. Try to be very loving and maybe even spoil your daughter a little bit. Is there something or someone at home that is upsetting your daughter? Maybe she is embarrassed about that something at home. Always remember that children look up to their parents and want them to be on their side at all costs. You need to make sur... More

Help!

Does anyone have any type of advice for giving the birds and the bees talk I'm not so good with these types of things.

HELP!! My 10yr old daughter mentioned she likes a boy at school 😩. The “dad” part of me wants to be strict and shut it down right away, however I also don’t want to be too hard on her to where she doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to me about what’s going on in her life... Feeling a little stuck here, any advice?

  • STR8JKT
    May 18, 2018

    Honestly, communication is really all you need and never lie... be involved, make suggestions don’t give demand and give orders.. believe me my daughter is 22 now and recently thanked me for always being her dad first and best friend second and for never flipping out when she came to me with things that where awkward to even talk about.. lil does she know, inside I was going worse than flip... More

  • Jennifer
    Sep 30, 2018

    I would talk to her about it , my daughter is in the same boat right now they growing but I explain to her that boys will always be there they will never disappear and that your books are what matters, all boys do is distract you . And she understands

My daughter is a tween. 11 years old. She’s becoming more expressive which we condone. But how do you teach a tween where to draw the line? For example, rolling her eyes and not wanting to answer simple questions. Or slamming the car door as I drop her off for school. It’s a tough one. Anyone have any experience or tips on how to go about this? #tween #preteen

  • Desiree
    May 09, 2018

    I shut it down immediately when she crosses the line. It will not be tolerated. Taking tv/YouTube time seems to work great. I do give a tiny bit of hormonal leeway when it’s around her time of the month. I let her know that even if she feels like she can’t control her anger it’s not an excuse to take it out on us.

  • Lauren
    Jul 06, 2018

    Can’t say how bummed I am to hear these habits will stick around until at least 11. Today my 5 year old said, to her uncle: “ha ha - you’re bald!”

Anonymous posted in Pre-Teens Apr 23, 2018

Does anyone have advice for a step-mom? I’m struggling with giving my step-daughter her first bras. I figured her mother would do it, but to no avail just like when my step-son went thru puberty, my husband and I had to do everything. Their mom was oblivious. However my stepdaughters developing, and after observing her play at school with her girlfriends I noticed she is the only one not wea... More

  • Danielle
    Apr 28, 2018

    I had the worst step mom that didn’t care about what we needed and she was the only woman in my life at the time. I definitely would have appreciated a step mom that cares like you. It is something that still bothers me today that a woman could do that to a little girl who didn’t have her mom lol. So I think you’re awesome for caring so much. If mom doesn’t want to do it then you definitely sho... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 28, 2018

    Well, I did it it went well. My other half and myself decided it would be best to send the mother a txt to inform her of our actions. This is what we sent her. “**notice this is a group text** This text is coming to you as a curtsey to you, to keep you updated as to what we have discussed and come to an agreement on for the developing needs of your daughter. **This is not a message that i... More

Calling all experienced step parents.. what has been your best way to deal with a very dramatic 14 year old with ADD? I’d like to improve on how to deal with her when she starts to become manipulative and find a healthy approach to motivate her to choose strength over manipulation lol I’m hoping this is possible

  • Andrea
    Apr 21, 2018

    Penny - there was a LOT of bad blood between my husband and their mom. So much that I got fed up and threw all of us in Counseling so that we had a referee. It worked though lol. We still have agitations but it’s nothing like it was

  • Danni
    Apr 21, 2018

    Coming from first hand experience of being a melodramatic teen with ADHD I can say the only thing that works is consistent love and support. Ur a step parent so they pretty much never assume ur gna be around forever and maybe even like their biological father better if he’s in the pic and feel ur trying to replace him. Just be loving. One on one time is crucial. Take her to the movies, to the... More

Would you leave you 10 year old at home while you went to work or is that too young? He wants to stay home because he don't want to go to work with me but idk about it!!

  • Anonymous
    Jul 19, 2018

    So, would you leave a baby home alone, say if they're asleep in a crib or buckled in a swing? They wouldn't be cooking or answering the door or getting into anything they shouldn't. I doubt anyone would think this is acceptable because anything unexpected could happen. If this is unacceptable, how is it more acceptable for a child who CAN get into stuff they shouldn't, even if t... More

  • Hippie
    Mar 11

    Technology has made great improvements for stuff like this. Install a Canary there is audio and live stream video so you can check in real time. It depends on the child as well. I know some 10 year olds that are mature enough to handle it some that are not. At that age I was out playing all day with no supervision, I'd say being in a house would be safer than running the streets. I agree th... More

Anonymous posted in Behavior Mar 23, 2018

Anyone with a 13 yr old? My daughter seems to be a little moody and packing a lot of attitude towards everyone in the household. I’ve talked to her, l’ve yelled at her, taken her phone until she fixes her attitude, I have no idea what else to do since it hasn’t done anything.

  • Noelle
    Apr 21, 2018

    My child is 13 and if there is one thing I’ve found out is that taking her phone makes everything worse. My daughter doesn’t like or trust any adult so she normally goes to her phone to vent.

  • Cecilya
    Apr 26, 2018

    I have a 17 yr old and I KNOW. I try to put myself in her shoes before I react to anything these days. It’s been a long couple of years but....she really is starting to loosen up and she’s not AS moody as she’s been in the past. One thing I’ve realized is that I HAVE to dive in there and talk about all that annoying teenager crap going on at school with her. She’s got to where she’ll sit down a... More

Anonymous posted in Mental Health Mar 19, 2018

Question for parents of preteens. My 11 year old daughter seems to be getting depressed. Like, at the drop of a dime. Even when we’re at Disney World. I played it off for a while being like, she just doesn’t want to go to bed or she’s just tired. But I’ve noticed it’s not that. For the past two weeks. And she notices it too. She’ll ask me why she’s sad for no reason. Help please. Anyone goin... More

  • Barb
    Mar 23, 2018

    I am having the same issue with my 11 and now 12 year old son. He goes into these swings where he can’t even tie his shoes... and then it is a big massive failure. He also is revisiting holding his bowls, that he did when he was 5. The pediatrician has been at first not helpful. Yes, we Could medically stop the holding with drugs, but once off, he returns to it. I am now pressing to get A ref... More

  • Amy
    Mar 25, 2018

    My daughter went through the same thing at that age, she is now 13 and sees a therapist twice a week. I would definitely suggest asking your pediatrician for a referral to a therapist, make sure she gets plenty of exercise, and is eating the right food. I know that it nutrition played a big part in my daughters depression and pre-teens/teens don’t always make the right food chooses. And always... More

Have a 13 yr old son who is still wetting the bed. Looking for any advice to get this dealt with. Single father but his mother wet beds till around the same age. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

  • Elsie
    Mar 21, 2018

    There are many people that wet their bed through their teenage years. Look at Michael Landon A Little House on the Prairie I think he was an adult when he stopped. Anyways if you take him to a doctor have it checked out make sure there's there's no underlying problem that he may have you might want to try counseling just a couple sessions 2 get them used to each other and then see if th... More

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Mar 14, 2018

Long story but I’m going to shorten it as much as possible. I have one pre teen stepchild and a teen stepchild. The pre teen lives under our roof full time. Our teen step child brought drugs into our home, admitted to having it, using it, and also using with his bio mom. He has also been giving drugs to our pre teen and they mainly use in bio moms home. Pre teen did test positive on an at ho... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 15, 2018

    I don’t want her mom cut out completely. I just want her to step up and be an actual mom. Which I’m not holding my breath. Technically we could keep her from her mom, but to get supervised visits we would have to go down the court route for sure. I think that would be best at this point. Bio mom admitted to Dad today she is letting them use drugs under her roof. Her words “at least it’s under ... More

  • Teresa
    Mar 19, 2018

    I’m the step mom who’s feelings were always underrated and undervalued. You need to be your partners equal. Get out now anyway you can. Your opinion counts.

Did your kids participate in National Walkout Day? How did you talk to them about it? https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/14/us/national-school-walkout-gun-violence-protests/index.html

  • Diann
    Mar 16, 2018

    I support NRA bullies needs to stop treating kids like they do parents need to talk to their kids about this

  • Adriana
    Mar 18, 2018

    My daughter walked out along with what seemed like her entire Jr high school. I am proud of her for doing so. She explained to me what the walk out was for and why. I wanted to make sure she fully understood this movement.

Anonymous posted in Clothes Nov 07, 2017

Can anyone suggest swimsuits/ shorts for tweens, my daughter who's 11 loves swimming, but she prefers to wear something a little more covered, that's still stylish then what is being offered at the stores, she's stuck with board shorts that don't allow as much movement doing laps, etc any suggestions?

  • Tina
    Nov 08, 2017

    I was a competitive swimmer in high school and we all had swimsuits that are called "cat backs" they are full coverage front and back, but comfortable to swim in. The back zippers all the way up to the back of the neck. I guess now tre are called "zipper backs"!

  • Robinsway
    Feb 28, 2018

    Again check out Ali. Best website. I have 3 grand daughter's ages 4, 3, 6 months. 2 grand son's ages 5 and 4. U fund them everything. Beautiful clothes. Great Great quality and good prices.

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