Advice and discussions on raising a teenager, ages 13 to 18.
I have a 12 year old daughter who is like a total stranger to me. This year has been a challenge to say the least. She has ADHD and needs additional motivation to do anything on good days. Right now, lying about everything. Goes to school and doesn’t do her work. She had a take home test I asked her about 3 times. I was told it was done days ago. Then Saturday and Sunday. She didn’t do it, took... More
And wants our summer enjoyable?
I hear the city bus is pretty reliable and cheap. If you get him a monthly bus pass he can go all over the city all month. You can use FB to look up local events. Also most school districts are giving out free lunch every day Mon- Fri from 11-1 pm. You can look that up with his school on FB too. There are parks, nature trails, and he might have fun joining a local charity crew doing clean up at... More
My 15 year old niece lives with my brother (her Dad). It’s just the two of them since he’s a single Dad. She’s going to a pool party this weekend and has her period. I’ve tried giving her all the tampon advice that I possibly can (how to insert it, to relax, it won’t get “lost,” that she shouldn’t feel anything, etc). She says she can feel it in there and immediately takes it out. She is so anx... More
It may be too late for this advice, but for in the future... I never feel my tampon when it's in right. 99% of the time if I feel it or it is uncomfortable the reason is that it is not in far enough. U by Kotex has always worked best for me.
I would have a discussion about the consequences of cheating as the child gets older. See if the work is hard, need help, tutoring etc. as the cause and then have the child do something to make up for it
My daughter and I have planned to go to a day spa for a very long time, but I don’t know exactly where to go. I’m trying to find a nice clean establishment with high ratings. Can anyone recommend me something?
Help me. My teenagers are the messiest individuals I know. When instructed to pick up behind themselves,they get distracted . Next thing I know, an hour has passed and they haven’t done a thing. Please help
Get them each a basket. Anything they leave out will go into the basket. If the basket is not empty, no privileges. If the basket is full of gross things like dirty dishes, too bad. They made the mess they can deal with it. The simplest way for the basket to stay empty is for them to replace items right when they are done using them. You can start that way and then once they get the hang of it,... More
Growing up, my family had weekly chores. We had to dust, vacuum, mop, scrub the bathrooms, and clean the kitchen. This happened every Saturday morning. You want to go somewhere? Then you better get the chores done because we weren't allowed to touch our phones, computers, or go anywhere without cleaning the house first. Saturday's are a great day for chores because it's a big day fo... More
My 12 year old has a weekday curfew for phone use1.5 hours and a weekend curfew 2-3 hours per day ; she’s mostly introverted so the phone is her talking to her friends, her music, and etc.honestly she is sometimes glued to it, apparently her other friends don’t seem to have any kind of parental enforcement on their phone use and are texting 10,11,12 pm etc. And now my daughter sometimes sneaks ... More
My teenage son did that too. Unfortunately, when he showed no remorse for lying my husband and I came to the agreement that we had to take it and lock it up in our room on the charger each night. We bought him an alarm clock. He gets the phone for school and after school activities but when he comes home he can only have his phone after chores and homework are finished. He can also only have it... More
I went through a similar problem with my daughter. I say you give her a talk. Gently talk to her and ask her why she’s lying. Refrain from getting angry and keep the tone of the conversation calm. Often children refuse to tell the truth because of trust issues with their parents. Are you too strict on her, or do you put stress on her? In terms of screen time, I verbally remind my daughter to sp... More
So, my oldest is turning 15 this year, she is having a quinceañera party which, in Latino culture, signifies her transitioning into a woman. Now, she is not a woman and will never be a woman in my eyes, still my baby girl. But I do understand she is getting older and the fact that she doesn’t live with me, due to a divorce from my first wife, makes things a bit more challenging. I want to have ... More
You may want to have the talk with her, but make sure she wants to have the talk with you first. The best thing you can do for your relationship and her self-esteem is respect her boundaries. I’m sure she’s watching tv shows with mature themes. Find out what she’s watching, then watch them on your own, and start a conversation with her about the characters. You can pass along your wisdom to ... More
I didn’t read much with her when she was young big mistake on my part. She is 13 now and hates reading . I’ve tried everything . She has a horrible habit of even skipping the directions and assuming she knows what to do instead . I even get her books she would actually enjoy from the library and I try to look at them with her . Nope didn’t work. Ugh I give up! She is around family that read and... More
I have 3 teens, and the days I work dayshift instead of nightshift, I read them a chapter at bedtime of a chapter book. We all love Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I know my kids have seen all the movies and enjoyed them. So right now we are reading ‘The Hobbit’ as the pre-book to The Lord of the Rings. My kids sigh and make exasperated sounds when I tell them to put down their phones, but ... More
I tried a chart but that didn’t work.
I believe that’s what happened to my mom and why she became so strict on it! She would hold plates up to the light and make sure the were sparkling. I won’t be as hard on my daughter but I do think it taught me about money and how to save and earn it. If I wanted a toy or extra something I bought it myself and I earned it. It definitely felt better when I got it to.
My nephew is having severe self esteem problems. His “friends” abandon him moment they get to school after carpool and tease him. He is a wonderful young man. He has kind of distanced himself from the family. Being a victim of bullying I know how it is. Do any parents have suggestions on how to “handle” ( using that word loosely) a child with trust and esteem issues. My sister and brother i... More
Thank you for all the advice and suggestions you all are wonderful
Yoga, surfing, good food! Teaching him to go inward. Finding his breath and first his connection to himself. Then when he steps out to go to school, he isn't concerned about how his 'friends' will treat him. He will become open and receptive to a new vibration and attract the kind of people who are good natured and great to him. Through this He will learn how to make himself feel go... More
He’s messier and leaves his things out and in her sink. She might take too long at night getting ready for bed. Any ideas to help?
If it's a double vanity I'd put tape down the middle. My parents did that for me and my sister. If someone's stuff ended up on the others side we cleaned both halves! We never strayed much into each other's space. We also used the layered plastic tubs for all our stuff on the bathroom counter and it was to be all put up when we left the bathroom or we had stuff taken away and mo... More
Please don’t spy on your kids via their phones by adding (what is basically) malware and these janky apps that are poorly secured. 1) one app, TeenSafe, was found to be insecure and may have inadvertently shared your passwords: https://www.zdnet.com/article/teen-phone-monitoring-app-leaks-thousands-of-users-data/ 2) This is not a great way to build trust with your teens/kids. My work does th... More
All of my kids have Life360 tracking on their phones. At first it was just my oldest daughter I was “tracking.” There was a sense of (mis)trust issues because she could not track me. Later I decided to let her track me. Once I did that, the trust was flowing. Now the app is on all three of my daughters’ phones. They all know my whereabouts! I use the free version of the app. You can pay for an ... More
My daughter is starting the 6th grade next week, she asked me today if she can get some makeup? My first thought was yes, finally something we might bond over that I know since I don’t know sports but then. Is she to young what to start off with, does make up make her more noticeable and attractive to boys (don’t want that) or should I be more worried about her skin since I use make up but not... More
I've been married to my husband for 9 years. He has had full and sole custody of his daughter since 2005 when she was about 2.5. Her mom lived 3 states away. I met him in 2007 and we were married in 2009. As loving as she could be, she was also very defiant and had a lot of problems with anger, lying, etc. Actually all this talk of family separation makes me wonder if this transition from... More
My 16 year old has so much attitude and anger from issues with her father. We’ve been divorced since she was about 5. I believe so much of her behavior focuses on her self esteem (lack of it) and she’s super sensitive. My suggestion, since you can really only control yourself, is to see where she is vulnerable and try to connect with her in that area. Maybe she loves to draw - so try to go to a... More
This sounds like me. Me being your stepdaughter. I hated my father because I felt abandoned by him and his love when to my stepmother who I felt didn’t love me either. Your stepdaughter is a child. Keep trying to understand where the anger she has is coming from. The fact your asking for advice means you do care. Don’t stop caring, keep trying. Try to get her father involved. Don’t outcast her... More
I can’t seem to get on the same page as my “co-parent”. I am against my 12 year old daughter (my son 15 the gamer could care less about them) having social media accounts such as Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat while her mother could care less. I know some have age restrictions but they are non responsive when I contact them via email saying it’s my daughter who’s underage and I want to know ... More
I feel you, Christopher! We have gone the rounds with my 13 year-old daughter and social media for more than a year. In our case, no matter what parental restrictions we set or how many talks we have about real-life consequences, she continuously finds a way to get around the system, open new accounts, and behave inappropriately online. I don’t think there’s an easy answer for you—there are s... More
It sounds like you and your ex need to get together and talk about your parenting strategies. I know that's not always possible but if you can both come up with a plan and compromise on some of this it would make things much easier. I don't let my kids have sugary drinks early in the day or late at night and we have a no social media rule in our home. Also, electronic are plugged into ... More
Have a game night, or at least two hours a day strictly for family, where their attention is family based. I don’t recommend just taking her phone away or doing anything drastic, as this could just cause more conflict where there doesn’t need to be any. As a personal tip, try Geocaching as a family! Geocaching is a giant treasure hunt that is available to everyone and you’d be surprised at how ... More