Advice on a large family and dealing with so much negativity!

My hubby and I have 6 children and just found out we were pregnant with #7. I am so sick of being asked inappropriate questions and comments like "Are they all by the same man? Are you married? How do afford it? I bet you're on government assistance! Don't you know what causes that? Haven't you heard of birth control?! I'm glad I pay taxes for you to afford your kids." I always feel the need to explain that I am married and my husband and I work very hard to support our family on our own. We started having children when we were 18, and a big family is what we wanted. I came from a large family. I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy, but instead I feel almost ashamed. All of the negativity is getting to me. Over the past 13 years, I have only wanted to enjoy 1. I've been with the same OB for all my pregnancies and today at the office I was walking down the hall hearing about how i should have been more careful, had my tubes tied, and how theres still a chance i could miscarry. There was a lot. I left in tears knowing thats the best ob office in my area that will accept my insurance. Everyone, everywhere says something. Its hard to be happy when its a constant thing. I am happy, and so is my children and hubby... and yet it still affects me to the point i want to keep it a secret. I just don't understand why people care so much!

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    Jun 19

    It doesnt matter who isnt happy for you. You know who is! My motto?? if you dont support me or my family you and your shitty opinion dont matter!! Get a new OBGYN, you should call that office back and tell the doctor exactly what was being said and how unprofessional they are and how they will be losing a long time loyal patient. Call places around you and see if they accept your insurance... if you're ok with traveling then that's your best bet. You don't have to explain your situation to anyone. Its the miserable people who have it worse so they try to make other people feel bad. Next time simply say well not that it's any of your business but I work hard and afford my family if I want 20 fckn kids I will have them! You don't pay my bills, therefore you shut your mouth! Maybe it's time to start being hard on people.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 19

    I never understood why another woman's uterus is a cause for so many people's opinions. Have as many kids as you want! People really suck and those mean comments are uncalled for.

  • Sara
    Jun 19

    Ugh I'm sorry! Someone the other day made a comment to me when I was with my two kids that I looked like I really had my hands full. I was like ... um, no? I just feel bad for people that think I must be stressed out by my kids. My kids are awesome and I want more of them... sorry you don't have that and can't relate!

  • K
    Jun 19

    You’re awesome and you have every right to show that belly off! I have a 4 year old and twin girls 19 mths. I have NEVER talked to as many strangers in my life. Some places it’s like we are a sideshow and they are just twins!!! So I feel ya with hearing the same comments constantly. My advice, say exactly what’s on your mind the moment somebody makes an inappropriate comment...don’t get upset, get even. A little witty sarcasm and straight forward responses can go a long way. We cannot always change ignorance in others, but we can change our reaction to it. Tell them how shitty their comment is and walk away. Congratulations on that beautiful baby!!!!!

  • Yanis
    Jun 19

    Wow, there are some rude people out there! I wish there was some solid advice I could give you; but I don’t. I’ve realized that mothers get judged a lot. For everything. Even when we think we’re doing what’s best for our family there will always be people who disagree and judge. Do not be ashamed of how many kids you have. It’s what you and your husband have always wanted. It must be amazing for your children growing up with each other. When someone is rude to you, put them in their place. Idk if your ob office is linked to a major hospital but I would report them. So unprofessional. 😡

  • Triny
    Jun 19

    Even though i only have one child, i have 5 siblings and i can tell u big families are the best. If i was younger i wouldve have at least one more child, but it was then or never (was already 37). I love all my 5 siblings and i would do anything for them. Dont let that bother you or make u feel bad. Love your kids and just focus on them. Make sure they love each other and that they are always there for each other. Good luck!! And congratulations on number 7, like they say, 7 is a lucky number 🤗💕

  • Jaime
    Jun 19

    Your dreams are your own and people who try to bring you down have their own issues to address. You keep doing the best you can and cherish the time you have left of this pregnancy❤️

  • Cathy
    Jun 20

    @Sara - I hate that comment!!! If people are taking a minute to tell me I have my hands full, then why don’t they shut their yapper and lend a hand instead!!!!

  • Lucy Kent
    Jun 20

    I'm so sorry you're going through this! There's no excuse for rudeness. So I have no problems firing back with a super annoyed tone. "You must have had a lapse in judgment and forgotten your manners, so I'm going to forget you asked that and let's move on."

  • Christa
    Jun 20

    Tell them to jump off a cliff and take a hike. It’s none of anyone’s business. And people are just naturally rude. You deserve whatever god blesses you with. My husband and I also want a big family and are currently pregnant with our second with them being 20 months apart when baby 2 is born. I have no problem telling people it’s none of their business that we have the family we do or plan to have a big family. That’s between my husband, myself and God. No one else. That ladies at your OV office should be ashamed of themselves for treating you or any other woman that way. I am so sorry to hear people are being so rude and judgemental against you!!! Many congrats on your new baby to come and enjoy every moment of it!!! Don’t let words of people whose opinion don’t matter ruin that blessing of the baby!!

  • Ric
    Jun 20

    Move to California! We have 1 daughter, 6 years old, and apparently we are monsters for not having more. Comments:”do you think it’s fair she doesn’t have a sibling”, “you know you should have at least 2, but 3 would be better”, “ maybe you should adopt if you can’t have more” Sometimes people say things hurtful, and don’t actually realize it. Some people assume too much and don’t bother to think positively. Jess, I don’t know you, but you are a special person. The few mothers and fathers we have that can manage a full house, and choose to have more, are truly special. It’s not just that you love your family, but to make the choices you’ve made, makes me believe you actually love being a parent. We all love our kids, many learn more about themselves when they become a parent, and those that pay attention learn skills during parenting that can be used in other facets of life, but few...very few, have been able to convince me that they love parenting. The more people say things that hurt, and the more you retract, the harder it might get to face the world. I can’t say I know how you feel or know what your going through, but I do know that having a few canned responses at the ready, can change some people’s minds and change how you actually feel in the moment. Comments about tied tubes, vasectomies, birth control, etc. and shooting back a “if I/we did that, we wouldn’t have this” said while holding your belly, smiling and radiating the love you feel for your family. Someone making a financial quip could get a response like, “oh, we couldn’t raise them the way we want on a benefit.” Or “that’s strange, the only money I see is what we make, but thank you for pitching in for those that truly need assistance.” Keep the responses positive. Talk about how excited you and your family are. I don’t want to sound like Yoda or Mr. Miyagi, but you must be positive about the negative 🤔. When you achieve this, the negative will fuel the positive. 😳did I really just say that? Anyway, I am not a religious person, but you are truly a gift to us all, maybe from the heavens, a higher authority, some cosmic force, or simply by chance. Rather than spewing out my random advice on something I can’t experience the same way you do, and can’t know how it really affects you, I should have started how I will end and left it at that. Jess...I apologize to you for the past hurtful things I have said in the heat of the moment, or due to lack of thought before speech. I apologize to you because although I didn’t say anything negative to you directly, I have made negative comments about a concept, a culture, or a situation that you may have experienced or might be part of your life by design. Jess...thank you! Thank you for choosing to bring our world a gift. Thank you for sharing your pain. Thank you for reminding me that we all have the power to change the world even if we don’t realize it, and that words can permanently impact the world by simply speaking them to one person. Thank you for reminding me to wield my power with great care.

  • Allie
    Jun 20

    Don’t let people get you down . There just unhappy with there lives they feel the need to attack other people if they disagree on the choices you make . Bottom line is they can’t be happy because they can’t see happiness in there own lives . Judging your happiness because they don’t understand it .

  • Jess
    Jun 23

    I needed to hear all of this so much! It's 4am and I haven't been able to sleep, yet another night. I am getting panic attacks just thinking of the coming negativity when everyone finds out. Reading all of the support, and the acceptance here made my night. I feel so empowered! I have always been the type that would just smile and block out the negative comments, but its gotten so aggressive each time until a little of me broke. I want this baby, and I am proud of my family. I am blessed. I will not allow anyone else to make me feel ashamed of my family or this baby. Thank you everyone for being so understanding and kind. I want each of you to know that although we have never met, you have done something amazing. Your words have made a difference in my life ♡ Thank you all.

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    Jun 23

    People tend to talk crap.. its always the NON parents that usually talk like they know everything about having kids. If I'm in the store and my son is bugging out, I get dirty looks! FOR WHAT??? Oh yea... you must not have kids! You must not have experienced terrible toddler times. Therefore give us supermoms all the dirty looks you want. YOUR WORDS CANT HURT US, WE HAVE BABIES, TODDLERS &KIDS!!! WE DEAL WITH SCREAMING TANTRUMS, HITTING, CRYING, POOP AND PUKE! WE ARE NURSES, TAXI CABS, TEACHERS, COOKS, MULTITASKERS... WE ARE MOTHERS! NOBODY STRONGER OR WISER! SO my point is... words shouldnt hurt us. Only birth should have and seeing our babies sick. NOT a strangers opinion because at the end of the day THEY ARE IRRELEVANT.

  • Triny
    Jun 24

    U should try doing a pic like this 🤗

  • Vonda
    Jul 25

    I think it is amazing that you had more than one. Let alone 7! I only have one son and am happy with that. But I look at any mom who has/wants more than one as one strong cookie. Congratulations on your pregnancy! So many helping hands to be there for you. I hope you know you are loved and encouraged. Even when the stupid ones are the most vocal.

  • Natosha Lane
    Sep 19

    I have 3 children ages range from 16 to 2. I understand about the negative comments. Even got one when I was pregnant with my youngest and having complications......from the OB nurse. In all honesty I would report the office staff to the office and the STATE board. Discussing you and your situation, even in the office, is a huge HIPPA violation. You have the right to be offended but don't ever be ashamed of yourself. Your beautiful family is yours and their amazing....Don't let small minded people take away your joy.

  • Jessica
    Nov 09

    Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy! I had four kids in four years (because the last pregnancy turned out to be twins) and it opened me up to the exact same comments you were experiencing. You have my sympathy and support! No one should comment about such things - it’s really none of their business! But people will be jerks sometimes and all you can do is block the toxic ones and practice taking deep cleansing breaths, lol. Don’t let them get you down! You’re incredible. 😊