Christine Hernandez
Early childhood educator, writer, and mother. Your friendly neighborhood guide to all things parenting.
Whether you are heading back to work after parental leave or wanting your child to socialize with other children, the decision to enroll your child in daycare often comes with a lot of mixed emotions. All in the same moment, you may be excited to have some kid-free time, then feel guilty that you're excited, and then start weeping at the thought of leaving your child in someone else's care. Just know that all of these feelings are completely normal, and odds are your child is experiencing some similar ones. Here are some things you can do to help you both prepare for the transition and start this new chapter of your life with a positive outlook.
Tips for preparing your child to attend daycare
- Take a tour
- Communicate, communicate, communicate
- Work toward independence
- Establish similar routines
- Practice saying goodbye
- Transition gradually
- Create a drop-off and pick-up plan
- Have a transitional object
- Say goodbye confidently
- Exhale
1. Take a tour
When you are embarking on your search for daycare, check to see if your child can accompany you on a tour of programs that interest you. Not only is it helpful for your child to have a mental picture of where they'll be spending their days, but their interest (or disinterest) in certain aspects of the program may help you narrow down your search.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Be transparent with your child, no matter how old they are, about the upcoming change. Have lots of conversations about daycare, what to expect, and what their day will look and feel like. It's also important to have frequent discussions with your partner or co-parent, to ensure you're on the same page about childcare-related decisions like tuition costs, scheduling, etc.
3. Work toward independence
If your child is three or four, you may want to check what the potty-training policy is for the programs you are interested in and help your child prepare for using the bathroom at daycare. Be sure they know how to unbutton or unzip (and re-button or zip) as well as wash their hands, etc. Most providers are there to assist children with handwashing and help with bathroom emergencies, but it can't hurt to empower your child to take charge of their personal care routines.
4. Establish similar routines
If your child isn't used to getting up and getting ready to leave the house, it might be a good idea to establish a morning routine ahead of the transition. Wake your child up at the time they'd need to up for daycare and get them used to the busier pace of weekday mornings. It's also a good idea to ask your provider for their daily schedule and start to mirror similar meal and sleep routines at home, if possible.
5. Practice saying goodbye
If your child isn't used to separating from you, you may want to practice before they start daycare. Ask a friend or relative if they can watch your child while you run errands, so they can get used to you leaving and begin to trust that you'll always come back for them. Start slow and be patient; it's normal for children to cry when you leave. As hard as it is to see them upset, they almost always calm down a few moments after you go.
6. Transition gradually
If your schedule allows, you may want to ask your provider for a few days to ease your child into daycare slowly. Many programs have phase-in schedules where children spend a little more time at daycare each day for the first week. For example, on the first day, they may visit for two hours; the next day, they may stay until right after lunch, and on the third day, stay for naptime.
7. Create a drop-off and pick-up plan
If you will be sharing daycare pick-up and drop-off responsibilities with another adult in your child's life, it is essential to nail down the schedule before your child begins. Your child will find comfort knowing who will be picking them up each day, and your provider will also need to know who to contact in case of an emergency. Many programs may require written consent for anyone other than a parent to pick up your child, so it is important to communicate your plans with your provider.
8. Have a transitional object
Talk to your provider about whether your child can bring a comfort item from home that can serve as a transitional object for them. Whether it's a blanket or a family photo, children benefit from having something familiar to lean on when they're missing home.
9. Say goodbye confidently
It may be tempting to linger when your child is crying and clinging to your leg at drop off, but it can make the transition harder for both of you. Give them a big hug and kiss, a cheerful goodbye, and a reminder of when you'll be back to pick them up and be on your way. If you are worried, call your provider once you arrive at home or work, and most likely, your child will be happily playing by then.
10. Exhale
It's normal to be worried about your child while they're at daycare, especially if this is your first time separating from them. It's also normal to feel liberated and every emotion in between. Whatever you are feeling, know that your child is safe and well cared for, and you will both adjust in time.
Frequent Concerns About Toddlers and Daycare
Change in Temperament/Behavior
It's common for parents to notice changes in their toddler's temperament or behavior after starting daycare. Such changes may include increased clinginess, mood swings, or regression in behaviors like toilet training. These responses are typically temporary, as toddlers adjust to the new routines, environments, and social interactions that daycare entails.
Parents can support their children through this transition by maintaining consistent routines at home, spending quality time together, and fostering open communication about their day. If concerns persist, it might be beneficial to discuss them with daycare staff to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
Will a Full Day Program Be Too Much for My Toddler?
Deciding whether a full day at daycare is appropriate for your toddler depends on various factors, including the child’s age, temperament, and stamina. Full-day programs offer structured activities designed to promote learning and social skills, which are beneficial for a child's development. However, it's important to observe your child's behavior and listen to their needs. Some children thrive in full-day settings, while others may do better with a half-day program initially. Gradually increasing the time spent at daycare can also help ease the transition for more sensitive toddlers.
Bullying
Even in the earliest educational settings, interactions among children can sometimes escalate into bullying. Parents need to recognize the signs of bullying, which can include unexplained injuries, lost belongings, or a sudden fear of going to daycare. If you suspect your child is being bullied, it's important to take immediate action. Discuss your concerns with the daycare providers who can observe the interactions and intervene as necessary. Additionally, teaching your child how to express feelings and seek help from adults can empower them to handle difficult situations. For more detailed guidance on handling bullying in preschool settings, visit our resource on bullying in preschool.
Encouraging open dialogue with your child and maintaining close communication with daycare staff are key steps in addressing and mitigating any concerns that arise with daycare and preschool settings.
