Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Mental Health, Stay-at-Home Moms, Relationships

BEING a SAHM causing problems for my relationship.

Anonymous

I am a STAY AT HOME MOM and I don’t drive due to serious anxiety problems so I’m literally stuck at home. I’ve thought of getting a job but I’d pretty much be working just to pay the baby sitter so that’s out of the question. I have no clue what to do at this point I’m starting to feel tired of my relationship and have started arguments for no reason because I feel like my husband is just free to go about and do whatever he wants whenever while I’m stuck at home with the baby. Even to go get fast food he goes by himself while I’m home with the baby. The only time I’m ever really out of the house is to go to Walmart to go grocery shopping. I need advice.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 26

    I feel you on this...... pretty much sounds like me. I can’t drive as I’m afraid to do so; especially with my kiddo and we only have one car. So, I think the responsibility lies with me to see a way out of this. I also live in a community where there isn’t much to do anything walking distance. I try to take my kiddo out for a walk every day just to get out of the house. We try to go out on weekends to get some family time together and to take kiddo out and about. For me, I feel it’s my responsibility that I can’t drive so I try to deal with it. For our next move, we are trying to find a location where more things are available walking distance. You can see if there are any kid activities near walking distance to you or a library or a park you can walk to. Discuss with your husband that you are feeling this way and maybe try to come up with things you can do Friday-Sunday that are out of the house. If you want go with your husband to buy fast food. Even have him drop you off to go somewhere and he and your kiddo can hang out together. It’s hard not to resent the “freedom” our spouses have while we are stuck at home; up to us to come with a way to make it work.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 26

    We try to do things on the weekends but he’s always so tired from working all week so I feel bad asking him to go do things. And yes this is exactly something I feel is my fault on not learning to deal with the anxiety of driving it’s jut gotten worse since Ive had my son. People in San Antonio drive crazy. The area I’m in has absolutely nothing around for me to do and no sidewalks so I can’t even feel safe going for a walk with my son. It’s very frustrating.

  • PK
    Mar 26

    Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel being stuck at home? Maybe he can offer solutions or compromise with you or start to consider your feelings and invite you out with him more. Or get a few hours to yourself a week.. take an Uber or lyft to where you want to go. I know my relationship had a few bumps as I was adjusting to staying home all the time. I tried to keep it to myself a lot but whenever I got irritable, my husband noticed and asked for me to talk about it. So we talk about it a lot and still do. But I’m also lucky that there are parks and a lot of stores near our house that I can just take the stroller out and walk. My son loved these walks when he was younger. Now he likes to walk with me instead of sit in the stroller. Is there anything that’s within walking distance? Or take a bus?

  • Raji
    Mar 26

    Oh wow same here...... no sidewalks... still trying to figure it out how tat works. It’s not your fault... for some of us driving is a huge deal🤷🏻‍♀️. I wouldn’t feel bad about asking my spouse to go out and spend some time out of the house; I’m sure he understands how you feel.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 26

    I'm in the same situation. I have social anxiety so it's hard for me to get out of the house. I try to go out on the weekends for family time but my husband is usually too tired to go anywhere. It's very frustrating

  • Jas
    Mar 26

    OMG this is MY LIFE! I’m at home with twins and I don’t drive and it’s so isolating and then dealing with the husband being tired when at home. My family is supportive, but they also have their own lives. It’s comforting knowing my situation isn’t exclusive to me. I know personally I am currently trying to find a way to earn my own income so I can pay for social experiences and self care treatments to come to my home or work around what my situation is.

  • Roxie
    Mar 28

    When the baby would sleep I would craft little things to sell on Etsy, IG & Twitter. I’ve also looked into getting a work from home job. My toddler is currently in therapy so that keeps us busy most of the day but when she’s asleep or in therapy classes I keep myself busy by doing things that make me happy like reading or crafting. Staying active mentally even if you’re just in one place is important. It’s also important to talk to your husband about it. Maybe he can go w/the baby to do some errands while you’re just home alone or maybe he stays home with the baby while you do errands alone. I felt like I was going crazy at home for a while but I found that when I made the space to create a little bit of peace for myself that i began to feel better.

  • Wynoami
    Mar 29

    Do you have any mom friends who drive and could possibly pick you up for some time out of the house? Any public transportation near you? And maybe it’s a good time to think about therapy and addressing the anxiety. Don’t know what I would do without someone to talk to about the many feelings of anxiety and depression I suffer from. Good luck!

  • Liz
    Apr 07

    Hi dear you need time for take care about yourself and your relationship put your baby 2 days a week in a daycare and take that time for you, exercise, nails, friends and so and so and maybe go to lunch or dinner with your husband . If you don’t feel good first nothing is going to work! Have a good luck !!

  • Devon
    Apr 11

    Find somewhere where you can get a professional to teach you how to drive. Find the local autocross, they can help. You do not want to be dependant on your husband, and you shouldn't have to be. I am extremely familiar with getting over debilitating anxieties and if you are struggling because you are stuck, it sounds like that is the first place to start. Your husband may feel helpless knowing there is little he can do. I would recommend talking to a therapist as well to get some help with your struggles. You could take an uber to see one or even find one you can meet with over the phone... As your child gets older, not being able to drive will likely be even more challenging. If you can overcome that your world will open up. There are so many things you can do with a baby if you can just get out, i.e. library, parks, museums, etc. I wish you luck, feeling alone and dealing with anxiety is very tough. Please know this comes from a place of experience, no judgment here!!!

  • Anonymous
    Sunday

    Ladies I am happy to let everyone know I am getting my drivers license at the end of next week! I was able to get over the anxiety.