Anonymous

Great father, bad husband.

Anyone else?? My husband is an amazing daddy to our little girl. I’m also an amazing mom. We just don’t get along with one another. Daughter is a year and a half. We pretty much go through a week or two every month where we aren’t nice to one another. He blames it on me. Example, just this morning he was leaving for work (we both work but he leaves earlier and I drop dd at daycare). He was kneeling down to give daughter a kiss and right before he did that I had handed her a strawberry piece. He got all mad at me and said that it’s not very sincere of me to feed her right before he kisses her goodbye. Then he stormed out of the house yelling that this was how I’ve been acting all week. It seems so petty but every day is like this. He gets very judgmental of me and how I take care of her. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I go through phases where I’m ready to leave him and then the tension dissolves and we’re good for another month. We’ve been together 15 years. I go to talk therapy and have encouraged him to come with me to couples counseling. He tells me I’m the one who needs it, not him. Help.

  • Copeley
    Feb 01

    Relationships are so hard with young kids. It’s a constant struggle to find time for one another when all of your time and attention is in the child or children. I know of a lot of women who hate their husbands after kids. They’re good for a week then off again. It’s so upsetting and depressing. Not having that connection with the man you are raising your kids with is so so hard. I find that when my husband and I are intimate and actually make time for that, we are so much better and in turn happier. Hang in there. I keep telling myself that my husband and I will be awesome in about 5-10 yrs when our kids don’t need us every minute of every day for everything!

  • Anonymous
    Feb 01

    I second copeley- hang in there. This is a long hard phase of life. I try to tell myself that I can not control his emotions/actions/feelings but I CAN control mine. So I do my best to make small gestures or if I know he’s grumpy just steer clear and wake up with a fresh day instead of holding on to yesterday’s bull shi. I know that’s easier said than done but if you know if your heart that you’re being as kind as you can and pushing through the hard days then at the very least you can sleep well at night

  • Anonymous
    Feb 01

    I am going through the same. Almost 2 years now. It feels like we are on different paths and completely disconnected. Some days I just want to leave him and other days I remind myself that he is a great dad and was a loving husband before...

  • Anonymous
    Feb 01

    Thanks everyone. So glad I’m not alone.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 01

    My spouse and I separated back in November and are trading off weeks with the kids. It has worked out better than we both hoped for, as it's really given us a chance to get some space and reclaim our identities. Now we're dating and making good progress in therapy. That being said, I think in any relationship you need to be open about what you're feeling and you need the other party to do the same. If there's no head way being made there you kind of have to make your own decision on how long you want to put up with being treated like that.

  • E
    Feb 01

    Seems like he got some issues. You both NEED to go to counseling

  • Anonymous
    Feb 02

    It’s like you’re writing about my life. My husband is an amazing dad. Like so amazing. And does a ton of the housework and childcare. But every month or so we have a period where we bicker or are mean to each other. We went to marriage counseling for a bit, but stopped (life got in the way). One of the things that has helped us the most is to talk about how full our cup is. As in, when I’m overwhelmed or in a shitty mood or exhausted, I tell him my cup is full, and I don’t have much left for you. He knows he needs to chill out and not put more on me. Same for him. When he tells me he’s full I try to do little nice things and keep any complaints etc to myself. It’s been a good way for us to signal to each other when we are at the end of our rope or on a hair trigger.

  • M
    Feb 02

    Well ditto, but I left and he is still the same. In the end you do what’s best for you and your children. What does the therapist say when you tell them that he tells you, you’re the only one that needs it? He’s in denial? Well hang in there. People that aren’t happy project their feelings and blame others.

  • Haley
    Feb 03

    At some point you have to put your relationship first or agree to separate if that feels right. My husband and I never had the feeling that we should separate but we did have to learn to put our relationship first. We have a scheduled at home date night every week, where we make dinner or order something special, we play a board game or watch a brand new movie, or try something creative together. Just unplug and be with each other while the little one is asleep or with a sitter. It has changed our relationship for the better. Good luck to you and your family.

  • Debra
    Feb 04

    I ounce caught a show on t.v. that really helped. I’m not a person that enjoys drama. With that said, I had enough of the way we we’re treating each other and was packing my bags to leave. A Tyler Perry’s show came on . It explains to women that prayer for a marriage, for your husband is a must. But there’s more to it. So, stand firm and prayerful and watch God do some amazing work in your marriage and with your husband. Maybe find that show. I have been married for 20 years...

  • Anonymous
    Feb 04

    I noticed the same pattern...1 week out of the month...my fiance could do no right. Now my case is a bit extreme but bear with me. I tracked this pattern for over a year in my journal and there was so much happening that it was hard to pinpoint what was wrong. It turns out I have pmdd which is a severe form of PMS. I've been taking a monophasic birth control pill for almost a month...it seems to help. We haven't had a big dispute yet and based on the pattern it should have happened already. I'm giving it another month to be sure I am in the clear. But another thing I did was hash out anything I was feel resentful about or any grievances I had, which weren't very many. If the week you guys get into it is one or 2 weeks before your period..it may be pms... maybe not but worth documenting and looking into

  • Anonymous
    Feb 07

    Wow. Felt super alone here until this post. My husband resents that I all of a sudden wanted a son, after not wanting kids for a long time. Our son has been a spiritual awakening for me...but my husband hates its no longer just the two of us. Sometimes I feel like he resents the existence of our son. And yes, he is biologically his son. Never been a case of infidelity but the way my husband treats us you would think I had gotten pregnant by another man. It’s heartbreaking. It’s unfortunate and its unfair. My husband too refuses counseling and I am contemplating a separation as well until he gets it together. The ish we women put up with to hold things together as best we can.

  • Shannon
    Feb 07

    If you’re not happy as a person and neither is he then your child will begin to feel that too. My husband and I were together for 12 years, and we grew apart without knowing it. We both lost ourselves and became unhappy, as much as we tried to hold it together we were putting on a show. We have chosen to divorce, though not an easy decision, we as a family are much happier! We coparent amazingly well and are still best friends. It can be done, divorce doesn’t have to be childish and nasty!

  • Ann
    Feb 09

    I would say to put up a large sign in the house or on the bathroom mirror for a while that reads ‘pick ur battles’ then I would change the schedules around so u spend less time together for a month or two such as take some city recreational classes in the evening or something so To give each other a break from the war and miss each other a bit too... irritability is contagious and only ends when someone surrenders for a while and plays the hero or u break up. This is the only thing that has kept our 15 year relationship together. Only u know how bad it is so only u can decide when to leave but one should avoid making long term decisions when they’re clouded by emotions . Also I’m a strong believer in weaning away from any potentially traumatic situations but don’t torture yourselves forever either Goodluck to you and yours and remember to tell yourself in all uncomfortable situations the phrase ... ‘ This too shall pass’

  • Anonymous
    Feb 11

    Dealing with the same thing and it’s been over four years now. We will go weeks without the arguing but then all hell breaks loose for about a week, and this cycle repeats. He’s a wonderful dad and provider, but we have both acknowledged we would rather be apart and happy than bring up our daughter seeing us constantly fight. We love each other and know that we don’t want that, we just continue to work on ourselves. I completely feel you on the whole him judging you with everything you do with your dd. I feel like he does the same thing and that’s also something else that leads to majority of arguments! It’s hard in relationships but so much harder when you add kids!! Hang in there and if it doesn’t work out, it’s for the best.